


An Old Love

by spaceyloser



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Character Death, Complete, Confusion, Enemies to Lovers, Flashbacks, Gay, Gun Violence, Happy Ending, Hate, Health Issues, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Some magic, Suicide Attempt, Summer, Swearing, Teenagers, Violence, an old curse, descriptions of violence, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 25,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceyloser/pseuds/spaceyloser
Summary: In a small town in what some people call the corner of the Earth, two families hate each other. The Howell family and the Lester family. They take every measure they can to avoid each other. When Mrs. Howell and Mrs. Lester had children the same time, they panicked and did everything they could to keep them apart. And it worked, they never met. Until one night, by chance or fate, they lock eyes for the first time. They were trained to hate each other, the trouble is, neither families know why they hate the other, they just do. Only Dan and Phil won't accept that. They work together to uncover long buried family secrets, all while switching between hating each other and something more. They find their hatred runs deeper and older than expected. But so does something else, something neither boy really understands.





	1. Introduction to an Unfair Malediction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to sometimes switch between Phil's POV and Dan's POV. The introduction is third person.

The tiny town wasn't always called Greens Corner, and when you think of it, it really does sound ridiculous. The founders of the town called it Greens Landing, but somewhere down the line people started calling it Greens Corner, and it stuck. They changed the small sign to say Greens Corner and that was it. It was official.

After the town was renamed, the founders of the town still had family living on. There were four founding families, but only two made it. The Howell's and the Lester's had a long history of being friends, and nobody knew quite why the hatred started, and then everyone who could remember was dead. Whatever the reason, it had long since been buried.

These two families were the richest families in Greens Corner, they somehow maintained their wealth throughout hundreds of years. There are hundreds of rumors about how they do it, and some think their bank accounts just magically fill themselves. Crazy, all of it was crazy.

In the new millennia two boys were born. One in the Lester family, and one in the Howell family. They had only a few months separating their ages, and because of this, they were in the same grade. Mrs. Howell did the only thing that seemed logical to her, she sent her son to a private school far out of Greens Corner, and the boys never met. Until one sticky summer night, the night Greens Corner fell out of itself. Doors started opening no one knew were closed.

Neither boy believed in fate until they understood their own. And Greens Corner would look the same, it would still be written in tiny lettering on a map, but the people, the people would be changed. For better or for worse, no one could exactly determine. Maybe that's for the best. Forgetting is how weak people cope. Moving on is how they forget. And the people of Greens Corner were more than happy to move on.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

I was working the late shift because by the time my mom decided I should get a summer job, all the jobs were taken.

"I don't need a job mom, it's not like we're hurting for money!"

"You may think you don't _need_ a job, Danny, but I'm doing this for you. If Kourtney were old enough I'd make her get a job too." I heard dad huff and shuffle his newspaper. That's usually all he would give to a conversation, unless Kourtney, the golden child, was mentioned.

Mom loves to bring up the fact that she wasn't raised rich, and that she still works because she's a good person or whatever. We're so well-off, neither Kourtney nor I could work the rest of our lives and we'd be rich in our graves. That's just how it is. Mom won't accept it.

Just like how mom won't accept that I'm going to inherit the Howell fortune. Even if dad likes Kourtney more than me, our long-dead ancestors said specifically that the first-born son gets the money to continue the Howell name. It even is written, to continue the Howell name and outlive those bastard Lesters.

So that was end of discussion. Just as I was about to trudge off the patio to grumble quietly in my room, Kourtney ran out onto the patio, awakening my dad from his coma state.

"Daddy!" She shrieked, wrapping her arms around him. She knows just how to play him. She isn't a child anymore, she's going to be in high school this coming fall, but she is still treated like daddy's little girl.

I almost resent her for it.

"Hey, pumpkin. What's up? Need money?" I almost ripped my hair out.

"Yes, that would be nice. Also, I'm going over to Stella's." He pulled a twenty out of his wallet and paused.

"Stella's? How are you getting there?"

"Walking, of course. Money, please daddy." Dad handed her the twenty.

"No, you have to go past the Lester's to go to Stella's. I don't want you walking."

"But Daadddyy!" I told her last year that still calling him daddy was weird, but she didn't care. She knows I'm jealous of the attention he gives her. Mom is too.

"No, Dan will drive you."

"But daaadyy." I mocked, whining.  He glared at me.

"No, and drive quickly by those Lester's. I don't want them throwing rocks at you." He's so dramatic.

Ah the Lester's. The current generation of Lester's was Mike Lester, Annabeth, and their only son, Philip. I've never met any of them.

Back in like the seventies or whatever, the last generation of Lester's, Mike's parents, kept having daughters. It looked as though the Lester line would die. After five girls she had a son, Mike. The daughters felt cheated out of their money. One summer, Mike nearly drowned. It is rumored that the oldest girl tried to kill him, but it was never proved.

Apparently, the Lester girls used to throw things at dad and his brothers when they passed them. It was a particularly hateful time.

 

When I was a child I had asked my parents why they hated the Lester's so, and they just shook their head at me and told me to go play. I stopped asking questions eventually, because I realized they didn't know the answers to them.

No one in the town knows either. When I was about six or seven, I rode my bike to the oldest woman in town's home. She was nearing one hundred and her grandson lived with her to take care of her. She had no idea why, but she did tell me she almost married a young Howell brother when she was in her late teens.

"You did? That's cool! Why didn't you?" I asked with my childlike innocence.

"Because, Daniel, he liked my brother more than me." And then she laughed and her teeth fell out and I went home with more questions than I had going.

 

My head swam with these questions for years. They kept me up at night. Mom used to call me a curious child in her fond-mom voice. Now she says I'm sticking my nose where it shouldn't be. And I tell her it's her fault for giving me a big nose.

 

Kourtney said nothing on the drive to Stella's, she smiled and stared at her phone the whole way. She's always been so carefree. I've been envious of her for millions of reasons. She's popular, athletic, beautiful, and she doesn't worry about anything. She doesn't care about the Lester's or why we were raised to hate them. All she does is text Stella and play soccer. The only thing I'm not jealous of is her hair, it's bright red, like mom's. I teased her all her life, calling her tomato and carrot and such.

My mom called my hatred of my little sister first-born syndrome. But I just didn't like her. Things are different now. She's fourteen and I'm going to be a junior in the fall. We're growing up. Now we just don't speak.

 

* * *

The night was sticky and humid, but it's always kind of like that here in Greens Corner. The funny thing about Greens Corner is, it isn't really green. It's mostly like a desert, which is strange phenomenon for the area. People travel here to see the weird desert town in a normally forest area. There's nothing normal about Greens Corner.

Do you know what else isn't normal? A grocery store being open at midnight. And this one was. I'm a bagger, so I just sit here and wait most of the night, because people don't come buy things at midnight. Especially in this town, where the population is 1100.

I cursed my mom for the millionth time of the night for making me take this stupid job, making me where this stupid uniform with the name tag that is written too small. At least twelve old people hunched over and squinted trying to read the three letters printed on it.

Five minutes until my shift is over, and then some poor bastard has to work until five AM.

The bell above the door jingled, which startled me out of my angry stew. All I saw was a head of black hair before it disappeared into an aisle, and I went back to picking at my nails and contemplating suicide.

I had my head lowered as I heard someone put something on the check out table. I looked at the item, a single box of extra-toasty cheez-its. What a strange item to be bought so late at night. Yesterday a woman came in around midnight for diapers, that makes more sense to me than extra toasty cheez-its.

I stood up reluctantly and scanned the item.

"Four-" The word fell from my lips as I caught the eyes of the strange man who bought the cheez-its. This was something my father feared, I knew it. He voiced his concerns to mom in private, but mom wouldn't have it, and now it's happened.

I've never come face-to-face with the only Lester child before, but now I have and I felt like my skin was melting off. I just stared at him, and he stared back. We knew who each other was of course. We were taught to avoid each other. I had been shown pictures all my life.

"Don't  _ever_ go near this boy!" Mom's voice yelled in my head.

_Oh god, oh god, now he knows I work nights here. He's going to tell his dad and they're gonna jump me some night. Break my legs, smash my head open. Can't be anymore Howells when the only Howell boy is dead._

I know it was my dad's past words that were causing this panic, I was paralyzed. Afraid, I was afraid, just like my parents wanted me to be.

Suddenly, he threw a five on the table, grabbed his cheez-its, and booked out the door. And I could hardly control my breathing. There was a strange tingling on my skin that was making me cough. Whatever just happened, _that_ wasn't normal. That was something else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

When dad told me mom was pregnant, I wish I was more shocked.

As soon as mom walked in on me watching gay porn, they both started "going to bed earlier." It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what they were doing.

They didn't talk to me about it, their way of coping was having another child. Gays can't reproduce, after all.

Or maybe they still fucking can, but who cares? Not her.

"Congratulations, mom, children who don't get any money." I had been saying things like this for months in an effort for her to just tell me I'm not getting a cent of the fortune. She hasn't had the talk with me yet.

"There's no need to be so negative, Phil, all my children get some money." Dad just sat there, he's always just sort of sat there. He's an end table. It's truly a good thing he's never had to work, seeing as how he has never done anything for himself.

They work the maids and cooks too hard. Mom is ruthless, dad is emotionless. Whenever my personal maid has to clean my room I let her take a nap and I do it myself. They all work too hard.

"Kelly!" Mom snapped her fingers to get the attention of the chef. Mom was raised rich too, just not as rich as dad was, so she does everything she can do enjoy it. "Get me some Ice cream."

"For breakfast?" Kelly asked, wrong thing to say. Mom started yelling about how the staff is so disrespectful and how they are so _lucky_ to be serving her.

I spent my summer days out of town. As soon as I got my license my dad bought me a sexy black car, and I drove into the woods of a neighboring town with the sun roof open and the windows down. By myself, of course. There's something about being a rich kid in a mostly poor town, people sort of orbit you, but don't come close enough to touch.

Deep into the woods of Canyon Valley, I climb a tree a little higher every time, in search of the canyon this town is named after. I never have found it, and as far as I know, no one else has either.

So I climb the tree, I'm nearing the top these days, but I still can't see the canyon. So I just sit up there in the tree, long legs dangling over a drop that would definitely break them.

I left my phone in the car, but I had a tiny rubber ball, so I threw that up in the air and caught it. Focusing on not dropping the ball helps the mind. It doesn't wander to those thoughts. But as I fumbled and dropped the ball, the thoughts swam into my head.

I spent years imagining a scenario where I wasn't the only son of a rich family that was expected to hate another family and to reproduce. The only reason they want me to reproduce is so my kids can hate said family. What kind of life does that sound like to you?

I knew I was gay since I knew what jacking off was, it's been a while. And of course this led to: I'm a failure who can't do the one simple task that is asked of me.

I was also partly grateful because the line of hate was going to end. So what if the Howells win? They seem fine, I mean, besides all of the horror stories dad has told me. None of them have done anything particularly horrible to me.

Mom resents Mr. Howell's wife, because apparently she purposely got pregnant the same time as her.

"Don't you ever go near either of those Howells, you here me? Especially that girl. She'll corrupt you." They never suspected that it may have been the son to corrupt me, well, until now.

The truth is, the Howell's creep me out. I don't hate them, I'm sort of fascinated. I want to put them under a microscope and examine them. I've never been around either of the kids, but I've walked past the house, I've walked past the parents. Every time I do, there is this weird tingling sensation, and whenever I get closer the tingling gets more intense. I hate it, and it flares the hate I'm suppose to have for them. I suppose the tingling sensation is fear. My dad told me when he was a boy, Mr. Howell would throw rocks at him and spit on him at school. That's enough to make anyone afraid.

I wondered what it would be like to speak to one of them? I wondered if they all hated us like we hated them, or if they were just going along with it like we're all meant to? Dad won't tell me why, and I suspect it's because the feud is so old everyone just forgot it. Both my parents just seem content to hold hate in their hearts. Maybe I'm a bigger person, or maybe I'm a bigger fool.

 

* * *

 

 

It was nearly midnight when dad yelled at me to go get "those weird cheese crackers." He didn't have to tell me twice. Mom was on a fucking rampage, yelling about every little thing.

Greens Corner is hot, like, all the time. But in the middle of June, it's like living near the equator. It's suffering, just plain suffering. Leaving an air conditioned room was asking for Satan to pull you farther into hell.

So I walked into hell because heaven had a screaming pregnant woman and I made the six minute walk to the grocery store. Driving to a place right down the block is for pansies.

Pretty much every place is right down the block, that's what a small town is like. It's not even small, it's microscopic. It doesn't exist to anyone besides us. You can drive through it in a second and not even realize you missed anything. But because it is so small, it's problems seem so much bigger.

 

Having a grocery store open in the middle of the night in such a tiny town seemed like a bad business move. There appeared to be one person working, some poor kid who had his back to me and his head lowered, probably passed out.

It didn't take me long to get the "weird cheese crackers." The kid didn't lift his head as he rang up the box. He had nice hair, seeing as how that's all I could see that's all I could compliment. My skin itched but I ignored it.

"Four-" He lifted his head and his eyes widened. I saw his stomach drop, I saw every thought in his head. Our entire lives were flying through the air as I stared back at Dan Howell.

My skin tingled, it tingled and it burned and I rubbed my arms. The entire world was holding its breath. I felt like I had already known this person all my life. Like he was the final boss in a video game, but right now he just seemed like a boy. A boy who was giving me an allergic reaction.

I threw down a five, grabbed the box, and sprinted out of there, and I didn't stop running until I was in my bed at home, where my skin still stung.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAN'S POV

I walked quickly and quietly to my car after my shift ended, certain that Phil Lester and his dad were going to round the corner with a bat. My skin was still buzzing as I got into my car, but I ignored it. I wasn't about to be an idiot in a horror movie, I didn't think until I was safely shivering under my bed at home, and I thanked God or whoever was listening for my instincts.

It was _freezing_ in my room, and outside a low rumbling sound was heard, signaling the threat of a summer storm. Or a summer rampage, as my mother would say. My mom would say a summer rampage, and my dad would say a summer riot. I never understood their relationship.

The thunder grew violently loud and yet there was no lightning. Rain battered the land but there wasn't one speck of light. Everything seemed darker, more desolate. There wasn't a light on in the world that could've been shone through that storm, and I fell asleep like that. With my skin itching and bones shaking and the house rattling.

 

* * *

 

 

I woke up in my uniform, and it was covered in sweat, and I was sweating. I was sweating so much. My hair, my sheets, everything was soaked. It was practically dripping off me.

My bones were still rattling, and for a second I wondered if last night had just been a night terror, like I used to get as a child.

_"It's those damn horror stories you tell him, Don," Mom said as she pushed my sweaty hair away from my innocent eyes._

_"They're not horror stories, Alice. They're fact."_

 

My mom and dad were calmly sitting on the patio, not looking at each other or anywhere else besides their articles. Mom on her phone and dad in the newspaper. Mom would definitely be reading some opinion article on politics, and dad would first go to the obituaries, in hopes that another Lester bit it. That's just who he is, who they both are.

I'd go into detail about their eating habits, how often they blink, how often they breathe, who breathes first. I've been trapped in a house too long. They've kept me and Kourtney so sheltered, I hardly know what it's like to go outside, to have friends. Despite their best efforts, Kourtney made a friend, who they don't like.

Kourtney always took differently to the sheltering, so they treat her differently than me. I was content to just sit in my prison cell and wait out my sentence, but she wasn't. She did whatever she could to get out, to be free, and I always sat back and took it, time and time again. I'm not as strong, nor am I as brave as she is. I'm a good little boy with no one to text and nowhere to go.

"I'm going to Stella's. Her mom is waiting outside so I don't have to walk." Kourtney's red ponytail waved us goodbye as she exited the patio.

"I'm going out too." I said suddenly, causing Kourtney to pause in the doorway and screw up her face.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?" They all asked at once, it annoyed me how surprising it was that I wanted to leave the house. Maybe it's because I've never made a friend before, maybe it's because multiple times I have expressed my hatred towards the residents of Greens Corner, maybe they were just surprised to hear me speak.

"Yeah," I stood up, hoping they'd just let me go.

"Where?"

"Yeah, where?" My evil sister asked innocently.

"Isn't someone waiting for you, Demon?" She stuck her tongue out at me but scampered off.

"You're going out?" Mom asked. She was in a full pantsuit in the heat of summer, "divorce doesn't take a holiday, it takes lives, Danny boy," she once said to me. She's a divorce lawyer, and she's very proud of it.

"Yes."

"With who?"

"No one you know." They didn't say anything for a while, just looked around like they didn't know what to do with themselves.

"Bye." I mumbled before running off.

 

* * *

I always felt weirdly drawn to a little town set in some woods a few minutes outside Greens Corner. When I was a kid we'd drive to it and I'd always want to run into the woods. Mom said I really did once. She said I'd run away from a birthday party when I was five and ran deep into some woods, but I have no memory of it.

Canyon Valley is a town about the same size of Greens Corner. There isn't anything particularly interesting about it, just another small town in this small dent in the world. Except for the legend that brings explorers from all over the world to our little dent. Canyon Valley, supposedly, got it's name because there, apparently, used to be a huge canyon in the woods. Before the Canyon Valley was Canyon Valley, there was a big river in it that dried up. Then the settlers came and named the town after their canyon.

There's only one problem.

There's no fucking canyon.

People have searched all over the area for this fucking canyon, but it doesn't exist. I, personally, think it's bullshit that the canyon just "disappeared." I didn't even know about the legend until about three years ago. My theory is, a bunch of old people in too many clothes wanted to fuck with us by starting gossip about some huge canyon.

 

The thing that I liked about Canyon Valley, before I knew the hype, was whenever I walked through I always got a rumbling excitement planted deep in my chest, that just rolled like waves. It gives me like a huge boost of adrenaline. I've tried to figure out why it happened, but when I asked mom she looked at me like I was crazy. And Kourtney said I am crazy. I didn't ask my father.

I wanted to feel the waves, the waves mixed with the summer heat and sweet breeze, it's like tasting magic. It's like being alive. There isn't this kind of life in Greens Corner.

As soon as I saw the sign that said "Welcome to Canyon Valley" the waves started. Lightly, like I was at the edge of a lake.

I drove through the tiny town and straight into its think woods that kids grow up playing in, and then grow old searching for the canyon.

I drove slow because it was a one-lane dirt road, but driving slow helped me take in the nature around me. The smells, the sounds, it was all so lovely. My entire body was rolling, it was kind of like swimming without needing to breathe. Who needs to breathe anyway?

The birds were singing a song that I, of course, didn't understand, but I'd bet it was a love song. The sunlight cut through the trees shining puzzles onto the battered dirt road. It was all so mystifying. The feeling of adrenaline buzzing through you, of everything just feeling right, it was such a rarity in my hateful life. I slowed to a stop by a tree and got out of my car and laid onto a patch of grass. I looked at my hand to see if it had a glow or something around it.

Nothing.

I giggled, it was just all so beautiful and relaxing and lovely. Lovely is a word that I'll rarely uses, but it was, it was lovely. Lovely Lovely Lovely.

And there was something so incredibly lonely about it. Something I couldn't understand. Something, I thought, that I'd never be able to understand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

I don't know why I make half of the decisions I make. I just do it. Half the time I'm not even thinking when I do something. It really isn't a good thing. Mom used to say it was a Lester thing to be destructive. And God, have I been destructive in the past.

Curiosity isn't a Lester trait. We're basically the equivalent of ask-too-many-questions-and-get-your-teeth-kicked-in. Yeah, that's us.

Often times, my curious nature takes over my destructive behavior, or it intertwines with it.

Like now, I've walked into Greens Corner grocery at eleven at night.

I had never been as close to a Howell as I was that night I saw Dan. There was maybe a foot or two between us. The tingling was more like burning, and even though I feared it, and hated it, I wanted more of it. I wanted to know what it was, and if he felt it too. If it wasn't an abnormal thing.

I wondered if Howells have destructive tendencies. Dad talks like they do, but I have this voice in my head telling me dad's stories are just that, stories.

I was hovering in the cookie aisle. I could see his mess of brown hair when I stood on my tip-toes. My skin was itching lightly. I ignored it. I wanted to test the barriers of the weird-skin-thing. That's what I'm calling it. I wondered if there was like a bubble, like if the distance between us could be measured. I wanted to measure it. I wanted to know everything.

The past few nights I've been having nightmares. Nightmares about nonsense, nightmares about tingling skin, about fire and blood. They are only fueling my destructive behavior. Mom would be so proud. But what does she care? She has her new heir. Her new possible straight heir.

I moved a little closer to him, just to test it. I wasn't until I emerged from the cookie aisle and stood there did the tingling change. I quickly turned and ducked into the soup aisle. A teenager went up to Dan with a pack of gum and a side smirk. The said teenager flipped their hair and slipped Dan a piece of paper along with a dollar and walked out. I decided now was a good time to talk to him.

I didn't think, I'm good at that, thinking is dangerous anyway.

I just walked up to him and stood there, so only the checkout was between us, and I just _felt._

It was waves of electricity. They were consuming me from the inside out. It was already hot in the store, but I suspected we were upping the temperature.

Dan scrambled into a standing position, but he didn't run. Fear and perplexity flickered in his eyes, his eyes had electricity in them. They had everything in them. They had my nightmares in them.

"Howell." My voice came out, strangely, in a snarl. I didn't mean for it to be.

"Lester." His was a growl. A snarl and a growl. What a pair.

I felt like standing here was the biggest middle finger to my parents I could ever give, and I didn't care about the consequences.

"Do you feel it too?" He mumbled, rubbing his arms fiercely.

"It's electricity." I said.

"It's _flames."_ He responded.

Yet neither one of us moved. I was burned on the inside. I bet my lungs look like the lungs of a century-long smoker.

"Why aren't you running?" I asked, scratching my arms raw.

"Why aren't you?" We looked at each other again, swallowing was almost difficult, the air was so thick.

"Jesus! It's hot in here, ain't it?" A women in her forties appeared behind Dan, and then she saw me. She spent a minute looking between Dan and I in fear before backing away. I wonder what this looks like to other people. A Howell and a Lester. She probably thinks we're about to kill each other.

"Why is it happening?" His voice was full of child-like curiosity, but his face was dark with fear.

"I don't know. It's extraordinary."

"No, it's terrible."

"It's meant to be terrible." I said darkly, I didn't even think that, I just said it, and he looked as if he suddenly understood who I am.

"Look, I-I-I don't know, I want to...I don't know. Here." I mumbled, pulling a slip of paper with my phone number on it from my pocket. I thought this was a dumb idea when I wrote it, but now it seems like the only option.

"I'm just...I'm sick of not knowing." I said finally, hoping he'd understand what I meant. I shook my head and rubbed my arms as I walked out into the warm summer night, and thought of the nightmares to come.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

I thought of showing off to him, or doing something mean. My first thought through my head was to crumple up the slip of paper and toss it back at him, maybe hit him in one of his clear-sky-colored eyes.

He was out the door before I could do anything. The sparks, the forest fires that started whenever we were near...whatever they were, he felt them too. And they bothered him too.

But apparently, they didn't bother him enough to leave before having a conversation with me.

 _"I'm sick of not knowing."_ He had said. Did he say it like that? I could hardly pay attention to him. I was too busy being burned to a crisp. It's a strange, indescribable feeling. Something, I'm almost certain, can't be explained by data and researching.

He was sick of not knowing, so I guess he's thought of it all before too. I wonder if it keeps him up at night too, if it's constantly on his mind. Then I thought of Kourtney, and how my parents always said I had to watch out for her, how the Lester's are no-good-criminals and how he'll hurt her. Is that what this is about? Does he just want me to trust him so he can hurt Kourtney?

Somehow it didn't feel like that was the case, but for the first time in a long time, I felt protective of my baby sister. Maybe that was caused by the whispers, the tiny voices in the back of my head telling me not to trust him.

* * *

I spent my day off pacing up and down my patio, because dad was yelling at me for doing it in my room.

"I don't know what you're doing in there, but quiet down! You're distracting me." Dad doesn't leave the house anymore. He's become a full-time hermit. It's hard to care for him when he's right up your ass all the time. He hasn't worked a day in his life, and he tells mom every morning to quit her job. She's stubborn, and every morning she'll go on a rant about feminism that my dad just tunes out. I fear to think what Kourtney and I would've turned out as without her.

Phil's slip of paper was getting sweaty in my hands, but I couldn't stop pacing. I want to call, but I can't. I physically can't bring myself to do it. It's like defying everything my parents ever taught me. Nightmares have been plaguing my sleep. Nightmares with Kourtney and Phil and fire and blood, and I can't stand them.

I don't mean to, but I've been writing everything down. Every theory I have, every connection I make. It's like I've already decided that Phil and I would become Scooby and shaggy.

I wonder if my dad ever felt this way, or if he just never questioned anything. He just took it all like he was suppose to. He had one job, and he did it. I can't even do that right. Curiosity killed the cat, and me not acting on mine is killing me.

"Jesus Christ!" My dad yelled as he appeared on the patio with his arms crossed. "What's with all the pacing? What's the matter with you?" I had stopped dead in my tracks. What do I even say to that? _Dad, Phil Lester gave me his phone number. No, dad, not for that, to solve the mystery of the Lester's and the Howell's. What? You're taking my phone?_

Obviously not.

I saw the moment dad saw the slip of paper in my hand. Phil had been smart not to write his name on it. And suddenly, dad was on me, wrestling for the paper, which I considered eating so he couldn't get it.

Dad is still stronger than me, ever since I was a kid he could beat me at wrestling. I cursed my weak frame. I'm his son, where's my muscles?

"Ooooo, a phone number?" He laughed as he held it out to taunt me. I saw a little bit of school bully in him right there. I wondered about his past. He doesn't talk about it that often. Only the terrible things the Lester's have done. "A giiiiirls?" He added.

"No, dad, give it back."

I had left my phone on the patio table, and suddenly, he had that too.

And somehow, he got into it.

"Dad? What the hell? How do you know my passcode?" I asked, my voice shrill, I was terrified. I kept trying to swipe the paper from him. How did he not know it was a Lester's? Did he not get tingles as he held it? What about angry whispers? Is it just me, am I crazy?

"I know everything." He responded as he typed the number into my phone. Every time I lunged from him, he dove out of the way. Every time his smile got wider, more smug.

"Hey. That's it. That's all I said." He laughed and handed back my phone and the slip of paper. "I can hear the wedding bells already." He laughed and walked into the house. He married my mom the day after my mom's eighteenth birthday. I wondered how he convinced her to marry him. Was he charming? Smart? Kind? Because he's none of those things now.

Hey. That is all he wrote. He made the decision for me. He made contact with a Lester. The irony almost swallowed me up whole.

Phil wrote back a few seconds later, _Who is this?_

Who is this? Who am I? How am I suppose to know. I guess this is happening now. My arms tingled, and I tried to get used to the feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry my updating schedule isn't consistent. Life is hard.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

Meeting at a coffee shop seemed entirely too mundane for our situation, but here we were, sitting in a coffee shop two towns over. He was wearing a hoodie despite it being a billion degrees out in fear that someone, two towns over, would recognize us.

Dan was doing his best not to rub his arms raw. I had my arms crossed, attempting to not look like a crazy person scratching them. It was irritating.

He, he was irritating.

"You texted me." I said plainly. He looked shocked that I addressed him.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"The same reason you gave me your number." He shut me up. A Howell shut me up. God, I outta kick his teeth in.

"And why is that?" I don't know why, but I felt the need to be unnecessarily difficult with him. My body stung in his presence, maybe that was making my feelings towards him sour.

"You said you were tired of not knowing." He was sort of small. Not his body, I think he might be taller than me, but his presence was small. He just seemed like a timid character. It's not what I expected from a Howell. Not with the stories dad tells. I wonder if I'm what he expected.

"Have you thought about it?" I asked, hoping he would understand what I was asking.

"Every day for as long as I can remember." He sounded sincere, and I was so grateful. I wasn't crazy for wondering. Or maybe we're both crazy.

"Me too." I said stupidly. I was surprised that he hadn't done anything violent yet, and I felt dumb for believing my dad all those years. But there was still something, something I couldn't put my finger on that made me hate him, made me want to rip his head off.

Silence fell over us again and the tingling became more intense. I wondered if the tingling was random, like there wasn't a meter. When we're near each other we tingle, but when we're both angry or sad, does it burn more? The one time in my life I actually need data.

"Do you know anything?" He asked quietly. He kept glancing around and then I remembered, he didn't go to school in Greens Corner. He goes to school here, in Rockwell.

"No. The secret seems to be better protected than the president."

"Unfortunately." I chuckled, did he just make a joke?

He wore a slight smirk that I could hardly see because he had his hood down.

"Do you?" I asked. He frowned and shook his head.

"I don't even know where to start looking." Maybe the town archives, that for some reason lie in a library of an old museum in our town. They have the older families listed. Maybe that's a start.

"I have an idea-"

"Hey, is that Howell?"

"Shit, we gotta go." Dan jumped up from the chair quickly and grabbed my wrist. Heat exploded between us. First contact, it felt like I was being burned at the stake.

We made it to the car and then four people surrounded it. Two boys and two girls. The boys looked like stereotypical high school jocks and the girls looked like stereotypical high school jock's girlfriends. Where is the originality?

"Hey, Howell, on a date?" The blonde boy laughed as I started the car, and the other boy started grinding on my fucking car. I put my hand on the door, ready to kick his ass.

"No, Phil, just drive." He touched me again to stop me, it was so hot I expected the fire to be visible. He winced, touching me probably hurt him. He slouched down in his seat as I put the car in reverse and backed up dangerously quickly. I thought about running down the boy who defaced my baby.

Instead, I peeled out of the lot and headed for Greens Corner.

"Um, I just remembered, I drove there."

"Fuck!"

"It's fine, I'll come get it later, when they aren't here." Dan's voice was quiet. He took off his hoodie, the heat of the day, and the heat of us, seemed to finally get to him. He was wearing a grey tank top that had space ship on it. His skin was such a nice color. Nothing like my perpetual pale weirdness.

"Who the fuck were they?"

"Stereotypical high school bullies slash homophobes. The blonde one, Isaac, is jealous because I sucked him off after his basketball game once. He threw me to the curb. I guess he's projecting or something." I stiffened at Dan's story. Jealousy? I was jealous that he got to suck someone off, not that he sucked someone off.

Dan started laughing quietly, "It's also funny because his girlfriend tried to sleep with me. This was all back when I was on the cheer team. She's a cheerleader, he's a basketball player. It still cracks me up."

I started laughing, and he started laughing, and for a moment it all felt natural. Like we weren't mortal enemies. Like our skin wasn't melting off.

The windows were rolled down and the sun roof was open, and the window pushed his curls back from his face. He was so distracting.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

Phil left me at home after that, saying we'd meet tomorrow morning to look for any information in the dusty archives in our depressing museum. It's hardly a museum, it just has like fun facts about long dead people and old fashioned things. All of Greens Corner was old fashioned, this was nothing new to us.

After about an hour, my arms stopped tingling. My mom was ordering us to have family dinner, but dad and Kourtney were looking at their phones under the table.

"Don, put your phone away!" Mom snapped at him. I heard her phone vibrate and I could tell she wanted to check it. Her fingers twitch at the same time her lip, it's like she has an addiction.

"Kourtney has her phone out!" Dad whined at her, mom looked at him shocked.

"I didn't have three babies, Don! But if you're going to whine at me then I'll treat you like one. Phones, both of you." Kourtney and dad moaned in unison, but both decided it would be best not to argue with her. She is a force.

Kourtney's phone kept going off, and I noticed her lip twitched too. A trait she must have inherited from mom. Her and mom are so alike, but I'm not like either of my parents. Mom is strong, she's a hurricane. Dad once compared her to a sharp turn on a mountain, and it kind of fits, in a strange way.

Dad is angry, at everything, but he grumbles more than he preaches. I'm just here, I'm confused and I'm weak. Day 178 of me wishing I was Kourtney.

"So, Dan, you went out again today." Mom spoke in that tone that says she wants something for me. She kept eye-contact as she cut into her rare steak. I nodded at her.

"Yeah, this is like the second time in like, your entire life!" When Kourtney tries to seem innocent, she speaks in a ditzy voice. It always works on dad, but it pisses mom off.

I glared at her but kept quiet. Whenever I pictured family dinners with us, I always pictured three people and an empty chair. Self portrait.

"Have you been out with that girl?" Dad's voice was knowing as he grinned at me and ran his meaty elbow into my arm in an attempt to be playful.

"What girl? There's a girl?" I cringed at how wrong it sounded. A girl. Me, Dan Howell, me, introverted idiot, me, questionable and lame, out with some girl.

"Yeah, there was this girl and he couldn't decide to text her, so I took his phone and did it for him." Dad said it simply, like it was the least complicated thing in the entire world. 

Kourtney was laughing at me. She thinks this is even dumber than I do. Kourtney has always been able to smell bullshit from a mile away.

I finished my meal, so I decided it would be better to cry in private.

"Well, I'm done, thanks." I mumbled and I put my plate in the sink and ran out of there. My entire family was in the kitchen, laughing their asses off.

I never understand why I feel the need to cry sometimes. I just do, I get overwhelming waves of sadness that I can't shake. It just feels like I should be crying for someone.

I laid on my back and scrolled through my phone, letting the tears escape on their own. Someone else out there should be crying, not me, these tears weren't for me.

"Hey," Kourtney appeared in my doorway. Her red hair was loose, which was a change. She was very pretty. Another reason I wanted to be Kourtney. She got all the good genes.

"What?" I couldn't help but feel constant bitterness towards her. It's envy, I know it is. She makes me want to cross my arms and stomp my foot.

"I know, about today."

"What?"

"Isaac told me you were out with some guy." Her voice wasn't sincere, she was so glad to have some information on me.

"You still talk to that asshole?" He tried to date my sister last year, probably to fuck with me. She wasn't interested.

"He still wants me." He words were dripping with arrogance. I said nothing.

"He said you were on a date."

"His words. It wasn't a date. He just likes to call me gay." _Fucking hypocrite._

"He described the guy."

"So?"

"What are you doing Dan? What the hell are you doing?"

"Leave it alone, Kourtney. It isn't your business."

"It's dad's business, and you know it." I shot up in bed and stared her down. She wasn't about to pull apart this strange truce Phil and I had.

"No, Kourtney it's not. And if you tell him about me, I'll tell him about you." I warned her, my voice was a fucking lighthouse.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I'll tell him what you and Stella have been up to, and why you practically live over at her house." Her face went white.

"Well, I guess we're at an understanding then." She shook. Her voice, her body. She was my little sister and I hated hurting her, but it felt good to have some power for once.

"I guess we are." She nodded at me and held her hands in tight fists as she exited my room, and I went back to crying someone else's tears.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

The dream started as most of my dreams do, all of my senses getting attacked at once.

The most annoying one was my sight, because colors and scenes flashed before my eyes before I could make sense of what was happening.

I landed in a field of daisies. There was a farm house a few yards off, and there were dark storm clouds overhead.

Suddenly, there was a yellow blur in front of my face, and my vision cleared up.

A blonde girl who probably was my age was standing in front of me, smiling brightly her grin pointed behind me. She didn't seem to notice my presence, so I just sat back and observed.

Her hair was yellow-blonde, and her skin was tan. It was hot, summer had hit this area hard, I could tell. The green grass was yellowing and the dirt was cracked. The moisture in the air was heavy with what I assume to be long built-up rain.

"You're so slow, come on, how are you going to win if you keep those shoes on." I looked behind me to see another teenage girl. She was out of breath, and her dirty blonde hair was falling out of her braid and sticking to her red face. Where the other girl tanned, she burnt. I related.

Both girls were in full stereotypical prairie girl fashion. It felt like I stepped into a western movie. Their clothes were too hot for this weather, and the tired girl was feeling the heat.

"Savannah, I'm so, I'm so...I'm so out of breath!" Savannah walked up to the girl, she had her hands on her hips and she wore a sly smirk. The tired girl bent over and put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"Oh come now, Annabelle, that's not very lady like." Her voice was teasing, and Annabelle seemed to take that to heart.

"Screw you, Savannah! You already ruined one possible marriage for me!" Red clouded over my dream, and I guess that meant Annabelle was angry. Annabelle plopped down into the field, not seeming to care that her dress was getting dirty. She put her head in her hands. 

"That isn't very polite either." Savannah sat down next to her and put her arm around Annabelle. I felt my heart beat in the dream, it was beating in and out, so I knew the dream wouldn't last much longer. My dreams don't usually last this long, and they usually never have structure like this.

Annabelle tried to shake off Savannah's arm, but Savannah wasn't having it.

"I'm always chasing after you." Annabelle murmured sadly. "All the young men want you, all us other girls are left in the dust."

Savannah hummed and brushed a strand of hair away from Annabelle's face.

"Too bad I don't want any of those boys." Annabelle turned and looked at Savannah angrily.

"It isn't like we have much of a choice! We can't keep playing these games, Savannah." Annabelle looked as if she was about to cry, and Savannah tightened her grip around Annabelle. Thunder boomed in the distance.

"I'll be damned if I-"

 

* * *

My dreams never have that much structure. That wasn't a dream.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I wrote this chapter it got deleted, so I got mad and didn't get on for a few days. Sorry it's been a while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

The dusty library is hidden away in the even more desolate museum. I always felt having a museum in Greens Corner wasn't necessary, seeing as how all of Greens Corner is a museum, but we've got one anyway.

I arrived at the museum promptly. I was feeling a bit agitated, but Phil had always made me feel that way. Out of my skin, out of my mind.

It didn't help that I was still shaken from that dream last night. It was so real, I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Instead, I thought of the blonde girls and where they fit into my strange dream factory, or if it was even a dream at all.

The librarian was an old man who was legally blind and had more hearing aids than I had answers. I wondered why all of his senses were failing him, I wondered if he pissed someone off down the line and he got ruined somehow. I wondered how he still had his fucking job.

Thanks to the old librarian's blindness, and the library in a redundant museum's population, Phil and I could speak without worry of being noticed.

I knew Phil was already there because my arms had a permanent tan from where he was constantly burning me. My lungs were black, my skin was charred, all because I was in the presence of some boy whose family hates my family.

I still haven't decided if I hate him yet. It's kind of hard not to with all the unintentional physical pain he has caused. But there is that word: unintentional. I was doing the same right back to him. Did he hate me for it? Did he hate me because he was supposed to? Did I hate myself for expecting the worst? Hate, hate, hate. They say when you use a word too much it loses all it's power, but I think the more I think of the hate, the more it charges it.

Phil, without hesitation, came right up to me when I got to the library. I'd describe how my skin burned, and how my bones shook, but I don't what to sound like a broken record here.

"I have a plan, and it's better than wading through moldy books all day." I didn't get a chance to ask him what his plan was, or even if I agreed to it. Just like that, he made me blindly trust him. Trusting a Lester. That's a new one.

"Hey! Wally!" Phil grinned as he approached the desk "Wally" was sitting at. My first thought was why is he grinning? It's not like Wally can see it.

I realize how out of touch I am with what is right and what is wrong to think.

But thoughts and actions aren't as closely related as some think. Maybe grinning at a blind man is just the right thing to do.

"Is that my Philip? It's been too long!" Wally, the old fuck, got up from his chair slowly on shaky knees and shuffled over to Phil. He grabbed onto Phil's arm and pulled him in for a hug. The man was hardly five-six, he looked like a cartoon character next to Phil's gigantic form. 

"Wally, I'd like you to meet my friend, John." Phil gestured to me, and I didn't have a lot of time to react. John I was then. I guess a ninety-year-old man would know a Lester and Howell. I'm sure he has seen his fair share.

"Yes, John, I can see he's a very handsome young man." The library was silent for a brief moment, even the termites were holding their breath, and then Wally laughed a wheezy laugh, and I realized he was probably a pretty cool guy.

I shook Wally's hand and Phil led him back over to his desk slowly.

"Damn, son, you're hot! The air conditioning is doing nothing for you. Hell, the only reason they have it on these days is for me. They know the heat would kill me, and the last thing they want is another ghost on their hands."

Wally wheezed out an old laugh again, and Phil sat down with his legs crossed on the table opposite him. There was something about him, he was the type I'd have minor, one day crush on. Quiet, cute boy with pretty eyes. But the world is funny that way, and there aren't many perks of having a crush on Phil Lester.

I leaned against the same table. I wanted to whisper that we're wasting time, but he glared at me. A plan, and a pushy Lester.

"Wally, I think you know why I'm here." Phil said simply, Wally sighed.

"Yes, it's finally time, is it? You haven't visited me in a while. I figured you'd want to know." My face was full of confusion, and somehow it felt like Wally could see it. Phil turned to me.

"John is here for moral support. John, Wally is going to tell me what he knows about my family. He is ninety-five, he remembers a few things." I widened my eyes at him. Phil had this resource all this time and he didn't tell me? He didn't do anything about it?

"Yes, and I'm sorry I don't know as much as you'd like to know, your family is the greatest mystery of the world. Well, in my opinion. But I shall tell you what I can."

Wally breathed in deeply, as if he was about to tell his life story and not Phil's. And where Phil's story comes in, mine does as well. Our lives are intertwined, as much as our family's hate it.

"In 1942 I got married for the first time. It was young love. She was beautiful. Long brown hair, freckles from head to toe, naturally tan skin, and I got her to love me. Her name was Hannah Howell. The youngest Howell child. The "forgotten" child, if you will. She married me and her last name changed to Smith, and then she was Hannah Smith, my beautiful wife."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. I have never seen anything about a Hannah Smith, or Howell for that matter. !942? My dad's parents? Grandparents? I couldn't think straight.

"I was twenty, she was nineteen, she was rich, and I was poor, but she didn't care. She just cared about me. So we moved into my house. My mom was sick, dying, my older brother was fighting in the war, and my little sister was moved in with her husband. She was sixteen. It was a different time."

Wally paused and chuckled, and I remembered my grandparents and how they would always laugh, shaking their heads and speaking of how different it was back then. Wally was my uncle, great uncle, whatever. A long lost family member.

"I never got on too well with the Howells, but I guess you know that, don't you, Daniel? You've been thinking this whole time about how you don't know me, or Hannah, for that matter." Phil turned red, and Wally turned to him, smiling as if he could see our discomfort.

"You think I wouldn't know? Blind doesn't always mean blind, boys. I can tell you understand that more than anyone." What the hell did that mean?

"Dan, you don't know about Hannah because her parents disowned her, your grandfather, her older brother, disowned her. Like I said, they didn't like me much."

"Wally, I'm-"

"I'm not finished. Hannah wanted a child, so we got her nice and pregnant. And she was ecstatic. The problem, her parents weren't, and they wanted her back. Things were brewing with the Lester's and even though they disowned her, her mother still cared for her. My mother, she wasn't doing so well. She died before my child was born.

"Hannah gave birth in the winter. Snow was falling heavily and we were trapped in the house. My little sister, who was also pregnant, delivered my daughter to us. We called her Hazel. She was healthy and screeching and her mother was happy and sobbing. It was all very dramatic."

"Wally, I didn't know you-"

"No more interruptions, please boys, I didn't get to tell Hazel this story." Phil shut up. "One year later, Hannah, Hazel, and I were sitting in the living room. It was sunny and Hazel was sitting playing on the ground in a patch of sunlight-" Wally choked up.

"And a brick came through the window and hit her on the head. She was hardly one."

Wally continued his story after that, but it was just awful, truly awful. His wife was a Howell, and for some reason none of us knew, they all paid the price for it, and he buried his wife and daughter in the same month.

Wally told us all he knew, but it turns out he didn't know that much. Just that the Lester's and the Howell's had a history of extreme violence, and Phil and I both have blood on our hands.

I didn't realize it until Wally stopped talking, but I grabbed Phil's arm halfway through the story. To steady myself? To keep from fainting? To stay alive?

When I saw my hand on his arm, a bolt of lightning zoomed right up my arm and towards my chest. I ripped my hand off Phil, and then I felt it collide with my heart. I fell back onto the table. It felt like my insides were gravy that got lit on fire. My heart was full of firecrackers, my mind was racing.

"Dan? Dan, are you alright?" I could tell Phil wanted to touch me, but he didn't and I was grateful for it. All I did was touch his arm. I saw it, the electricity was visible, and it hurt, a lot. Wally just stood there and said nothing.

After a while I regained my breathing, and I took five steps away from Phil. For a second he looked...hurt? But then it was gone.

"I know that this is not easy for you. To stand here and look at each other. I know the physical strain it, I've seen it." Wally shuffled away, much quicker than he did before his story, and he came back holding four books.

"Two of these are for the Lester's, two are for the Howell's. They are your family trees dating back to the beginning for Greens Corner. I'm afraid this is all I have."

Phil reached forward to grab his books, and Wally pulled them out of his reach.

"I suggest you read them together. Your stories seemed to be running along the same river. Open your eyes to the world around you, but don't forget the danger in both of your hearts." Wally seemed to lose his spirit after that. He went back to his desk, sat down, and lowered his head as if he was about to pray. And I wondered if we should be doing the same.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

It didn't seem right to stay there after Wally's confession, and something happened to Dan in there, something it seemed I wouldn't be able to understand, but it was something I caused.

Or something this, whatever _this_ is, caused.

As soon as we got outside, Dan came back to himself.

"What the Fuck!" Dan was jumping and yelling and flailing his arms he threw his book at me as he paced and muttered to himself.

"Dan, Dan, come on, talk to me, what's the matter?" Dan stopped and stared at me.

"What's the matter? What's the fucking matter?!" Dan ran up to me and got right into my face. He didn't scare me, I don't think I could get scared of a Howell, just wary.

"I don't like you Lester, I don't like this! I don't like finding out about the blood on our hands! I hate this! What did we do? HM? What did _I_ do? All I did was be born. Why the fuck did I even do that? We were born not out of love, but out of hate. That isn't FUCKING FAIR!" Dan was howling and I think he may have been crying a little. Then, suddenly, he stopped.

"Get in." He walked to the drivers side of his car.

"What? Dan? Why? Talk to me!" He laughed at me as he opened his door.

"Talk? Since when has talking between a Howell and a Lester solved anything. Get. In." I didn't want to get in his car. I didn't want to leave my car behind, and I didn't want to ride with him. He wasn't himself, he was acting erratically.

Or maybe he was acting like himself, maybe his true colors were finally being shown.

I got in the car.

* * *

 

 

He was driving fast. Fast and loud and with the windows down. He played a song from some band I never heard of, but it sounded angry, so that couldn't have been helping the situation.

"Dan, Dan, please slow down! Where are we going?" I hated that I cared for him in this moment. I didn't want us to wreck, I didn't want him to get hurt, to be another tragic Howell-Lester story. I wanted him to cool down and lay down and just breathe.

_Thanks for visiting Greens Corner!_

Oh god, what's happening.

I had our books clutched on my lap. He didn't show interest in either of them, so I just held them and hoped a deer wouldn't run out in front of us. I prayed for a cop to pull us over, anything to get Dan back to his normal self, because whatever that is, it isn't this. I know that. It _can't_ be this. He can't be the monster my mother and father say he is.

He is just a boy.

A boy has been raised in hatred, a boy who didn't get a fair childhood. We have issues, and I couldn't judge him for that.

 

I realized where we were going when I felt the familiar waves over my neck and down my back. To Canyon Valley, to alien town, to the home of my tree.

The ripples mixed with the ever-present tingling Dan gives me gave me a sensation of extreme anxiety. I'll never understand how Dan Howell makes me feel.

Dan turned down my road, the road with the tree.

It was a dirt road that had no guardrails, which made Dan's excessive speed even more dangerous.

"Dan, come on, slow down. It isn't safe to speed out here." We sped past my tree. I hardly saw it, but I did see something else. A flash of a myth. A flash of something astounding.

"Oh my god, Dan! Did you see that, holy shit! Stop the car! Dan! Back up!" We wouldn't need to back up to see it properly, just stop. It's too blurry to properly make out.

"Jesus Phil! What!" He screamed at me, when he turned, I saw he had tear tracks on his face.

"STOP THE FUCKING CAR!" He stopped, he stopped way to fast. We skidded and swerved and suddenly we were in a ditch and I couldn't open my door.

"Fuck, are you okay?" Dan asked, we were in a predicament, but at a moment like this, it was at the back of my mind.

"Yes, get out of the car." He didn't move, "Get out of the fucking car Howell!"

"Alright, jeez!" The accident seemed to have calmed him down, and he climbed awkwardly out of his beat-up car, and I followed him.

"What the fuck did you want me to see so bad!" I didn't think when I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the other side of the road. My arm was a bolt of lightning, and I know he felt it too, as he tried to pull away. I didn't let him.

"PHIL! It hurts! Let go!" I got us to the other side of the road, and I watched as the false woods melted away. "Phil-"

I saw the moment he saw it, his face turned into one that was so incredibly beautiful. Astonishment and confusion and wonder, and I fell in love with the scenery.

Before our eyes, the trees and the dirt and the entire woods just faded away, and a huge, amazing, and beautiful canyon was left in it's place. Like magic.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

My anger melted away, my mind melted away, everything was melting. The world was falling apart before our eyes.

Phil's hand was burning through mine, but I hardly noticed. It was hard to notice anything besides the awesome landmass that was forming out of thin air.

It always whispered at the back of my mind. What Phil and I had didn't seem natural. I tried to tell myself that there had to be some scientific explanation, but this, this confirms my fears.

It's magic. It's all magic somehow. I didn't know how, but it is honestly the only explanation, and that is truly terrifying.

Phil's face was one of extreme awe. There was no walls, there was nothing hidden between us. We were both completely vulnerable. Nothing is comforting anymore.

I dropped his hand. The sudden movement seemed to bring him back to reality. Was this even real? Was this one of my strange dreams?

He looked at me, open and honest, and I wondered if I looked so childlike. This wonder that left our minds so many years ago has been given back in a span of five minutes. Magic.

I realized my head was spinning when I heard Phil, off in a distant land, say something to me.

"Wha..." My voice was unintelligible to my own ears.

"I've been here, to this spot a million times. There's a tree here, well, not anymore, where I hang out. It's never..."

"I know. It's never for me either."

We both just stared out at the extravagant beauty before us. It was a lot to take in all at once. Everything was a lot to take in.

The rest of the day was a blur. Phil called a tow truck and he pulled my somehow undamaged car out of the ditch. Phil acted like he knew the man, but I couldn't focus. The only thing I seemed to notice was how the man some how didn't notice the canyon that puts the word "grand" to shame.

 

* * *

 

That night, the dreams came again, in the form of something horrible and evil. They were just flashes, uninterruptable to the naked eye, but I had more knowledge than I did before. I knew these girls weren't just imaginary.

"Savannah! John Brown is here to see you." It was a man's voice that called. Savannah was sitting in what seemed to be her bedroom, sighing and staring at her reflection as she brushed her hair. She wore a summer dress but it was still old-fashioned looking. She was close to tears.

"Oh Annabelle," she said, standing up and staring at her reflection. She touched the mirror. "In another life."  

The dream turned into a mess of fire and chaos and a deep rumbling that seemed to shake the Earth. And fear, so much fear and so much suffering, and two girls clinging together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long. School has been rough. I have about a month left so I have tests right and left. I'll update when I can.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

Mom was yelling about how dad was completely insensitive to her suffering. I'm glad I'll never have to worry about getting anyone pregnant.

Neither of them looked at me as I came home. It's probably best they didn't. I practically floated home. The mystery that people tried to solve for hundreds of years sat in front of me and Dan like a piece of cake on a plate.

Why us? Two somewhat average teenage boys in the woods. The canyon wasn't found, it's more like it found us. It just appeared. It showed itself, it's grand self, to us. By magic.

My hands and arm were still tingling from where I held his hand. I hate that it hurts us when we touch, that isn't a normal thing. Obviously it isn't a normal thing. What did I even think before?

My brain was wired to hate him, to hate his family. So why was my chest aching with something else? Almost whenever I'm around him I want to wring his neck, but when I'm apart from him I feel incomplete.

"I HATE YOU! I REGRET THIS MARRIAGE!" I couldn't hear dad's response, but he told me she was like this when she was pregnant with me too. She isn't even that far along in her pregnancy. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she hits nine months.

When mom started yelling louder than my music, I made it obvious I was leaving as I angrily trudged through the living room and out the door. I could hear mom yelling all the way down the street.

 

It was cooler out tonight, and too cloudy to see the stars. Everything about the night was annoying.

My mind wandered as I wandered. Dan in the car, Dan speeding, Dan crashing, Dan seeing the canyon. Dan, Dan, Dan. The boy I can't get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Daniel Howell. Why didn't I know his middle name? I thought my dad was a complete stalker who had to know everything about them. Maybe he doesn't have a middle name.

_Dan and I, sitting on the edge with our feet dangling over the side. A bird flies overhead, cawing loudly. He is holding my hand, and it feels normal. No pain. His head is resting on my shoulder, still, no pain._

_"I'm glad we have this, this connection. A connection that no one else gets."_

_"We're lucky, I suppose." I responded, he lifted his head from my shoulder._

_"Lucky? No, it seemed like there were so many times we were cursed."_

_"Seemed like it?"_

_"You know what I mean."_

_"Yeah, I do. I'll always know what you mean." He rested his head on my shoulder again and cuddled up against me._

_"I-"_

 

The daydream died as I went flying, landing hard on the ground.

"Fuck." I groaned dramatically. Realistically I just tripped, but it felt like death.

"Lester?" I got up and quickly took in my surroundings. I tripped over a swing set. I somehow made it to the middle school without getting hit by a car or wandering into the woods.

The shape of a man appeared in front of me, but I couldn't make out their face. He moved closer to me.

Sharp tingles, stomach acrobats.

"Howell."

"What're you-"

"Walking. What are you-"

"I-uh-I heard something."

"What does that mean." We were standing about five feet from each other. He was wearing a black hoodie that he seemed to live in. He had his hands in his pockets and his hood up. He looked like a teenage drug dealer. 

I couldn't look much better. I was also wearing a hoodie, only it was bright pink and said "party girl" on it.

I'm still trying to hurt my parents feelings.

"I heard my name and I started walking and when I got here I just stuck around. I don't know. Felt right I guess."

"Oh, I just, came here too I guess. I didn't really think about what I was doing." We stood there awkwardly after that just looking around. The wind blew around us. It sounded like a siren song, but it seemed to draw us closer.

I didn't know if wanted to be close to him. Being close to him made it unbearable to wear my ironic sweatshirt, it was just too hot. I was burning, my flesh was melting off. I didn't want to move away. I was scared I'd never want to move away.

We talked all night, the first time as people instead of as Dan and Phil. It was nice to be stripped of our identities, even if it were just for one night. When we finally parted ways, I found I actually sort of missed the burning sensation.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might take a little longer. My mother's birthday is Friday so we're going away to celebrate, and then next week I have one of the world's completely fair standardized tests, and then I have a four day field trip. After all this is out of the way I won't be busy. I'm going to try and update on Monday before the testing starts, but don't expect it. Sorry I haven't put out a quality chapter in a while.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

My parents and my sister were out that day. Phil and I made no plans to hunt. I think we were still pretty shaken up over our recent developments.

Our.

It was still strange, thinking anything between Phil Lester and I would need to use the term "our," but here we are. In an alternate universe. We're living in the future.

I like it.

Because I was home alone, I walked around the house and listened to _March to the Sea_ on repeat. I wondered if Phil liked this band. I wondered if he like anything I liked. I wondered when it was that I lost control over my thoughts.

I miss the intense burning sensation I get whenever he is around. It's not normal. I'm not normal, I hate it, and I hate him for making me miss it.

God, what have I become.

Phil Lester has completely gotten under my skin.

I wanted to test our physical abilities. We have avoided any physical contact we could because it hurts, but would it continue to hurt? Would it hurt until we let go? And what if we never let go? Would it just soar to new levels of pain like no human has ever known?

My head started to hurt.

I thought about the other night, when I heard that distant calling. My arms prickled but they didn't burn. I thought Phil was outside my window, calling to me like a madman, but he wasn't. It was calling me to an empty park, and I guess the same voice was calling him before. I swear to God I had heard that voice before.

My head hurt even more, I closed my eyes. The flashes were back. I never brought them up to Phil because he never brought them up to me, so I figured it was a me thing.

My dreams started bleeding into my conscious thoughts. It hurt. It hurt physically and emotionally. I felt like some great tragedy had happened to me every time I have them. It's always the same girls, and then fire and screaming and silence. It's horrific.

I thought it was some weird reoccurring dream, but it couldn't be. It was too real. Something terrible happened to those girls. Something I couldn't stop, something tragic and evil, and its something I hadn't been aware of until Phil came into my life.

 _March to the Sea_ turned off again so I went to put it on again when I heard the doorbell. The doorbell followed by intense knocking, followed by my arms and neck tingle.

"Phil!" I yelled as I opened the front door. "Are you crazy?" He sprinted into the house and I shut the door quickly behind him. He looked like he hadn't slept in months and like he was on some sort of hard drug. He didn't look like that last night.

"Phil?" I asked again, a little bit quieter.

He grabbed his head and fell onto my couch.

"Dan? Dan? Somethings wrong!" He was sobbing and his eyes were wide open, he was staring at my ceiling like it had a gun on him.

"Phil? I gotta get you upstairs okay? My parents...can you walk?" He could hardly walk. I half carried him, and once in a while he started thrashing and crying harder.

I finally got him in my room and he landed hard on my bed. 

"Dan? Dan? I can't see! I can only see...her...I don't...." He was reaching out wildly, and I realized he was reaching out for me. If this is what I've experienced, the flashes of daydreams, his is a lot more intense than mine.

Despite our mutual pain, I took his hand and sat on my bed. He put his head on my lap and put his other arm around me, and he was still crying.

"What is it, Phil? What do you see?" I tried to be soothing, to calm him down, but it seemed to be making it worse. He was in real pain and it wasn't just because of me.

"They're hurting her! Hurting them! Dan! They are us!" Understanding him was almost impossible. His eyes swirled with a new sort of depth that was not his own. It seemed like his body was being stolen.

"They're us, they're us..." he kept yelling, but whatever was causing him so much pain finally let him go, and he shut his eyes and sobbed. I was aware of the uncomfortable inferno my lap was becoming due to his head, but I couldn't just make him move.

* * *

"What did you mean?" It was nearly two hours later and his head was still on my lap. I managed to get him to stop crying and he just stared up at me. I absentmindedly played with his hair. It felt like little threads of fire, but I couldn't stop.

His lower lip shook and his eyes flickered away from mine for a second and all over my room.

"I'm sorry I came here. All night this was happening, and I came here because I felt it happen again and I-" He paused swallowing awkwardly, "I didn't want to be alone, Dan. I feel so alone. They feel so alone."

"What do you mean Phil? What happened?" He looked back up at me with his own eyes, not the ones stolen for someone else's gain. I loved those eyes.

"I want to conduct an experiment." He murmured. He didn't look away so I didn't either. I was lost in him. It felt like we were burning the whole house down.

Without thinking, without him thinking, with reckless intentions, he sat up and kissed me. It was soft and sweet and loving, and it burned the entire city to the ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I'm back. And I'm not as busy as I was. I mean, I am busy still, but it's whatever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

The kiss seemed like a good idea at the time. It ignited something in us. Something that had been dormant for hundreds upon hundreds of years. Something that wasn't entirely ours.

For half a second, it felt wonderful. It was the best feeling I had ever experienced, but like it always has and always will, the world came crashing down around us.

My mouth suddenly felt like I had been bitten by a ravenous wolf. Dan and I flinched away from each other at the same time. He looked at me fearfully, like I had a knife pressed against his chest, and I'm sure my expression wasn't one much different.

My arms were blistering and boiling and I'd rather have cut them off than to have felt that pain that I was feeling. It was indescribable. I got off Dan's bed quickly and moved towards the door. He didn't stop me.

"What happened? Why is it like this?" He sounded so empty, so closed off and finished, and I wanted to kiss the pained look off his face. Damn the consequences.

I hesitated, he flinched. Three words were swirling around in my head but I could get them to my lips. They were running away from me. Everything was running away from me.

I didn't answer his questions, I don't think I could ever answer any questions again. Instead I fled, leaving as fast as I could. It took twice the distance it usually takes for even the tingling to stop, let alone the burning. The kiss caused this, and yet, and I still don't think it's a mistake.

* * *

Mom was yelling when I got home. That's all my life had been reduced to. Yelling and pain. When she saw me she let out even more garbage.

"I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS AGAIN IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, YOU-" She paused, I noticed that her brain seemed to start working again. Years she tried to insist she wasn't a homophobe, but here it is, more proof to add to the pile.

"Philip-" I just went to my room. Sorry I wasn't home, mom. I was too busy out kissing pretty boys.

Summer is dragging so slowly. Usually I would've welcomed the agonizingly hot days free from unreasonable expectations, but now it just feels like a jail cell. Ironic. The freedom I craved so hard during the school year has become my demise.

* * *

 

I took off the next day to Canyon Valley. Dan hadn't called me nor I him. Maybe we both needed our space. I suppose I made the wrong decision. I'm well known for that.

The magical feeling of Canyon Valley wasn't reassuring me. I felt incredibly uneasy. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. This dramatic mess I managed to get myself wrapped up in. When did my life turn into a bad soap opera?

I had been regarding things with indifference to make myself feel better, so when I pulled up on where the Canyon is, I wasn't too shocked when the Canyon somehow mysteriously vanished, again. Maybe some unsuspecting lovers will stumble across it some day hundreds of years from now. Or maybe a sad boy will find it during his worst hour, and do something drastic.

I felt like being reckless. I miss the canyon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird spacing

I knew when Phil was a hundred feet away from me now. The tingling sensation I got whenever he was close has been multiplied. I never know if he's right outside my window, or in another country completely.  
The Kiss was a mistake. It didn't feel like a mistake, not at first. It felt like for the first time in both of our confusing lives we were doing something right.  
I had nightmares more frequently. More than once I woke up, covered in sweat and shaking. Mom was almost always there to dull my screams.  
"It's like when he was a kid."  
"We know why it happened back then, so you know why it's happening now." Mom and dad's voice floated into my room after a particularly gruesome dream. I didn't have the energy to figure out what it meant. Whatever Phil and I had was causing us this torment.  
I fell asleep that night with bloody knives slashing open my eyelids and a scream at the base of my throat. 

 

July was full of annoyingly hot weather and nightmares. Mom was terrified the constant nightmares would give me heat stroke. They talked about sending me to a therapist. I don't think any shrink could diagnose whatever the fuck was going on with us.  
I think I love him. But I don't. I know I don't. The pain he causes, whenever he is around...it's constant torture. And the bastard agitates me to no end.  
But just like whatever is causing this, the truth is there. Are human feelings enough to break some supernatural curse? Is that cheesy cliché what will save us in the end?  
I stared at his contact name, trying to will him to call or text or fucking show up outside my house.  
It's August now, we went almost a month without contact, and last night I slept through the night. The first time in over a month.  
Mom had dark circles under her eyes, and she was smiling sadly that morning at the table.  
"You slept." She whispered.  
"I slept."  
I could tell they were all grateful. Kourtney has been staying at Stella's more. I could tell she was sick of my outbursts.  
She grabbed my hand under the table, it startled me but she didn't say anything. I didn't let go.  
I squeezed, she squeezed, I felt grounded.  
"Mom, dad, I want to tell you something." She whispered. She looked sad, her eyes were watery. She had dark circles too. Her red hair was up in a loose ponytail. She looked so young. Sometimes I forgot she is so much younger than me.  
"Stella and I are dating." Dad chuckled into his newspaper, mom sipped her coffee. It was like they didn't even hear her. I squeezed her hand.  
"Mom? Dad?"  
"Hm? Oh, we know dear." Mom smiled at her and grabbed dad's hand.  
"I was young once, I know what romance looks like. Stella's a lovely girl." Dad said simply. I didn't expect them to take it so well. I mean, I'm happy for her. Kourtney has always been so much braver than me.  
"Okay, um, Stella and I are going to the mall in Tannersville, okay?"  
"How are you getting there?" I marveled at how they just moved on, like Kourtney just didn't announce that her long time best friend is her girlfriend. 

 

I left the house that day. I felt trapped by my nightmares. I had about a month until school would start back up, and then what? Would Phil and I lose what little we had."  
My arms itched under the intense heat of the August sun.  
"Dan?" My ears rang, my stomach dropped, I felt like I was going to pass out.  
I know I didn't look good. I could hardly get dressed this morning. I hadn't slept well in ages and my hair was a mess.  
Phil didn't look so hot either.  
"Phil?"  
"What are you-"  
"Are you-"  
"It's been so long-" We both stopped and waited for the other person to say something, and then we laughed because we both remained silent. My body hurt and I was shaking all over. He didn't look so good either.  
We stood fifteen feet apart, too scared to move closer. And yet, I still longed to touch him.  
"I'm sorry I ran out on you." He looked extremely guilty, and my first thought, that most certainly was not my own said, You should be sorry, you fucking bastard.  
That's not right.  
"It's been worse." I whispered, hoping he'd understand what I meant.   
"I know. The girls-"  
"You saw them too-"  
"They were treated so-"  
"I wish I knew-" Yet again we stopped and waited, getting no where. I took a brave step forward.  
My entire body shook, I felt like I was about to throw my breakfast up. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Phil paled.  
"WAIT!" He shouted. My eyelids were heavy and I swayed. In an attempt to keep my balance, I took another step, towards Phil apparently.  
Phil looked frozen in place while my body gave up on me. My knees buckled, and his did too. My eyes shut, and they wouldn't open again. My heart never calmed down. I hoped Phil was okay.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals week and then I'm out


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

My chest hurt. Not from the usual pain he caused, more from the pain I caused him. I was the reason all of this was happening. Now I had nothing. No Dan, no one to care, and nothing to care about.

My chest hurt, but this time, it was caused by both of us. Fifteen feet, somehow I knew the exact distance between us. Fifteen feet and we were both sort of okay.

We aren't okay.

Dan stepped forward, and I suppose I'll never know why.

My chest exploded, my ribs snapped, my skin was on fire. I was experiencing all of this pain but Dan was already passed out on the sidewalk. I took a shaken step back, hoping it would lessen the pain we were suffering through, but the damage was already done.

He didn't look like he was breathing.

* * *

My mother was standing over me. Her yelling was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Her hair was a mess and she had tracks of mascara down her face. As soon as she saw me wake up she stopped yelling.

I don't think she's ever been this quiet.

Dad was sitting in a chair off to the side. He didn't move when mom whispered to him I was awake. He looked out the dirty hospital windows and sighed.

A hospital. No, that's not right. I didn't get hurt. Not physically anyway. So far, the weird bond Dan and I had didn't have any negative results on our health.

I flashed back to that burning pain, and my chest hurt again.

"Mom?" She started crying again. The next hour was filled with a mess of crying and doctors trying to explain to me they didn't know what caused "the accident"

"Well, we know for sure his body temperature got way too high. As high as someone who spontaneously combusted." She smiled, I guess it was meant to be a joke. Mom looked ready to hit her. "I'm sorry, we can run a few more tests, but besides that, there's nothing to tell." I blocked her out for a brief time.

"-understand that the other boy who was found on the scene, the one who's father made him airlift to Tannersville had the same fate. No answers. Strange." She left the room after that. I wonder if she was allowed to just say things. I thought she wasn't.

Dan's alive.

Dan's alive that's all that matters.

 

 

"We need to talk." Was the first thing dad said to me, hours after I woke up. Mom cleaned her makeup off and applied a fresh coat because she doesn't want people to know she has emotions. Hell, I'm her son and I thought she only had rage buried in her.

"What the hell happened? What the FUCK were you doing." I know what he meant, and yet I kept quiet. I hadn't thought up a lie. I'd let dad yell until he was red in the face, maybe knocked me around a bit, but I'd remain silent like I usually do.

"Why were you so close to a Howell? Did you want to get killed? I bet he fucking did this to you, somehow, didn't he? I wouldn't put it past him, the doctors."

"Are you the biggest fucking airhead in the entire world? Did you not just here what the doctor said, dumbass? Dan has the same shit as I do. No answers, high body temperature. How the fuck would he even do that to me, and then why would he do it to himself?"

"Don't talk to your father that way-"

"No, no, it's alright, Annabeth." He turned back to me. "You're a big man now, you can use those words. Defending a Howell? What kind of son did I raise? No. No, I guess I didn't. Is this one for those-those-" He waved his hand and scrunched up his face in disgust. I knew what he was going to say.

"One of those-gay meetup things? Are you taking it up the ass just to spite me?" I opened my mouth to defend myself. Defending Dan Howell was my first mistake. "No, you're a big man now. A man can discharge himself from the hospital. A man can find his own place to live."

Mom looked ready to argue, because after everything, I'm still her son, but dad didn't care. He grabbed her arm and hauled her to the door. And finally I was alone with my thoughts.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

The pounding in my head was enough to put me back under, but against all odds, I pushed through and shot up out of bed. The machines I was attached to shrieked. Mom and Kourtney rushed over to my side, from what I could see through my blurred vision, dad was nowhere to be seen.

"Wa-ter..." A nurse came in, and then a doctor and then a sea of people I couldn't bother to look at. Focusing on one person made my head spin.

"Well, finally. The other kid already woke up. Guess you just needed the extra sleep, huh?" The doctor chuckled at me. I had a hard time making out his face. Phil was awake, that was good news.

"Wa-water?" The doctor said something to my mom and the nurses fiddled with my machines but they all left eventually. Mom brought a bottle of water to my lips.

"Here, baby. Drink."

"How long?" I asked when I got my voice back. A heaviness was weighing my head down.

"Four days." Mom whispered, "You gave us quite the scare, Danny."

"Phil?" I was about to pass out, but I had to know. Mom said nothing. "Please?"

"He woke up two days ago. Melanie told me." I tried hard to remember who Melanie was, but I guess it was unimportant info, the heaviness came over me like a thick blanket, and it tied itself to my mind with duct tape.

 

* * *

 

Dad never came to the hospital, and Kourtney almost never left. Once, Kourtney was here with Stella and mom was at work.

"You look like shit." Stella said bluntly. She always had a way with words. Kourtney didn't look much better than me, seeing as how she had practically been living here, but I don't think Stella would ever say that to her.

"Well, I'm out of here in two more days. Phil?" Kourtney never asked me about him, and I was grateful. She is shaping up to be a good sister.

"He got out yesterday."

There was a heavy silence. I knew damn well that when I got out of here everything was going to change. Dad, at least, will demand the full story as to why I was so close to a Lester. If he even looks at me.

"Dad?"

Kourtney swallowed and looked away. She was holding Stella's hand. It was strange, seeing her in that way with someone. I always sort of hoped that she would pick up the pieces when I finally told my parents about my issue with reproducing. 

"He hasn't said anything. Like, at all. Mom can't get him to talk. He's having nightmares though." That's something I hadn't thought of. My nightmares have disappeared. Probably thanks to whatever drugs they were pumping into me.

I thought back to when my grandmother was in the hospital back when I was thirteen.

" _When you're my age, once you are checked into the hospital, you're never checked out."_

She died that night.

 

* * *

When I woke up the next time everyone was gone. Mom left me a note saying she would be back first thing in the morning, but I was grateful for the silence.

Well, besides the constant beeping of the machines.

I looked at the clock, three AM. I'd be out of here soon.

I sat up, not at all tired because of the continuous napping I've gotten used to.

My eyes adjusted to the half darkness.

 

There was a figure in the corner.

 

It was like something out of my childhood nightmares. A tall thing, hunched over the wall. I couldn't move. I was going to die.

My arms prickled and goosebumps ran up my flesh. It did seem cold despite it being August.

"Dan?" It was a whisper-growl. I was frozen in place.

"Dan?"

"Christ." Philip Lester, my actual cause of death, came into the light.

I wasn't in pain.

"Phil? Why aren't we-"

"I don't know."

"It's sort of there but-"

"Not that intense." We both paused. He sat at the edge of my bed. It's the closest we've ever been besides the kiss. He was almost touching my legs, and boy, were my legs aware.

"I can't believe it."

"I'm so so sorry." Phil had tears on his cheeks.

"Why? What's wrong? You don't have a reason to be, I'm the one that took that final step that landed us both in here. its my fault." Phil shook his head and held my hand. A single shock went through me, but it wasn't that unpleasant.

A foolish thought rang through my head. Maybe now that we're here, and that everything happened, we can be free from the horrific curse.

Dad called me a fool before. I sort of missed him.

"I love you." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I did, I loved him so much. And he cried and I cried and I wanted to kiss him but I couldn't. I was so afraid, so fucking afraid.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think a story has ever taken me this long, thanks for sticking around. You all mean the world to me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

" _A man can discharge himself from the hospital."_

A few days later, I was still there. I was moved to a room out of the ICU, but I was still there.

I could tell the nurses were getting fed up. Someone came in and asked me a few times where my parents were, but they didn't say why.

I wasn't supposed to be there.

A minor. I'm a fucking minor. Dad gets angry, sure, but I didn't think he'd leave me here for days.

I guess I didn't think at all. The Howells...I didn't think about dad when I started the whole investigation. Or maybe I did, and I just didn't care.

My punishment was apparently abandonment, which hurt. I'm still their son. I expect them to be there for me. But honestly? I can count the amount of times they have "been here for me" on my hand. I was always on my own, but now I'm completely on my own.

Mom hasn't even stopped in. Yes, she's fucking crazy and horrible and runs the household, but when dad is mad, like really mad, she's basically a prisoner right along with me. But, I suppose, I'm no prisoner anymore. _Except of this fucking hospital._

 

What if they never come back? It was starting to feel that way. I spent hours staring at my phone. They didn't call, I didn't call. It felt like family dinner.

_"So, your parents are..."_

_"Busy."_

Busy. God, I wonder how many times I said they were busy. They weren't busy. Dad was probably sitting on his ass grinning with a glass of scotch, and mom, well, mom was probably planning some kind of revolution.

My mom gets things done. I'm her son, and I'm a "big man" so I'm going to get this done too, even if I am half my father.

 

* * *

I was beyond grateful for having a first floor window. I didn't have anything, just the clothes I wore when I was admitted and my phone, which was on four percent.

They didn't come to me, so I wasn't going to come to them.

It was midnight. The grass was cracked, the dirt was crying out for some moisture. When was the last time it rained? The entire situation made my head foggy.

Dan, that was a clear thought that I thanked god for. Dan Howell. Daniel Howell. Daniel Howell, who I'm still not sure has a middle name. I bet if he does its something elegant. It would be, knowing him.

"- _Father made them take him to Tannersville-"_

Yeah, our parents would get us separate hospitals, even in times of intense need.

 

It felt strange, just walking out of the hospital. After climbing out of a window, of course. My car keys were jingling in my pocket. I had that. And an iPhone, that just died. As my phone died, I felt a weak string snap. I didn't have a purpose to fulfil. I'm just a person. A person walking around a quiet town in the middle of the night. A person breaking the town's curfew for minors. But I'm not a minor, I'm no one. I'm not no one, I'm a person. A person with total freedom. And a key to a sexy car.

Tannersville is thirty minutes away by car. I made it in fifteen. There was a light on at my house when I got my car. I considered going in for my phone charger, but I thought better of it. I took my car and I headed for Tannersville.

 

* * *

"I love you." He said. There were so many tears between us. So many unspoken words, so much pain, so little time.

"Dan, Dan, I love you so much, okay? But this, this isn't healthy." I don't know what I meant to accomplish by saying that, it came out, it all just sort of comes out.

"Its not fair! It hurts! Loving you hurts, please, make it stop!" He was crying loud. So loud it probably got the nurse's attention.

"Dan? Listen, we're close, I know it. But in here, no progress is being made. We have to leave." 

I think I could've done anything to him right then. I think I could shaved his head and taped it to his face without him protesting. He wasn't here, on this Earth. My beautiful Dan was lost. He was sniffling as he climbed out his window. I had his bag over my shoulder. 

"Sweet, when you hit the pavement, you need to run. Understand? To my car, we need to be fast." This hospital had a security guard for some reason. It felt like breaking out of prison.

"Hey, are you in any pain, doll-what the HELL-" Phil looked back and locked eyes with the nurse. A nurse, of course, just doing her job. Dan was crying loud after all.

"RUN!"

I wanted to grab his hand, but the air was too thick. I just had to trust he could make it on his own. I have had to put a lot of trust in him, in another life I may have regretted it. But that life, that life wouldn't be one worth living.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late so sorry if there are any major mistakes. Feel free to call me out. I have a basic layout of how the last couple chapters will go. We're getting close. I couldn't do it without your amazing messages. You are who keep me going. Thank you so much. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

The ride home was tense, but when I say home, I was pretty sure we weren't going home.

Phil was driving fast, faster than I liked. His hands were gripping the wheel so hard it looked like his skin was going to rip off. 

"Phil?" The air around was literally crackling with power. I was afraid that if we got into a car accident, we would just explode from it.

And it was hot. Fuck it was so so hot, and my winter pajama bottoms were sticking to my legs disgustingly. I felt like I hadn't showered in days.

"Phil? Maybe you show slow down." He sped up. I realized what I must have put him through, that day we discovered the canyon. But today didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like some giant discovery would be made. It felt like our fathers would burying us in cemeteries outside of town, when they inevitably scrape our insides off the blacktop.

A stop light, thank fuck. There was a stop light ahead and I could feel Phil slowing down. He was already breaking the law by driving forty miles over the speed limit, I didn't expect him to stop for a stop light.

"Phil." He reached over blindly and grabbed my hand. He held me tight. It had to be one hundred degrees in that damn car.

The stop light went out.

Electricity ran up our arms, but neither of us pulled away. We were both used to getting struck by lightning.

Phil didn't move. We sat there at the broken stop light in some side town that you always drive through but never look at.

"Phil?"

"Dan." His eyes were focused ahead, but mine were on him. They would always be on him. My arm was going to fall off.

"No, Dan, look." I looked ahead of us, and there they were. The two girls from the painful nightmares that have plagued me for weeks upon weeks.

"They are-"

"Together."

The girl on the right had her hand on the girl on the left's cheek. Their mouths were moving, they were talking to each other. They obviously weren't actually there. It looked like an image from a projector. They had on their thick Victorian dresses. They looked so sad.

"We need to go." Phil dropped my hand and put it back on the wheel. The temperature in the car went down ten degrees.

"We can't just-" But he did, he drove right through the ghostly girls, and when I looked back, the street was empty, and the stop light was on again.

* * *

 

When we're thirty minutes outside of Greens Corner I called Kourtney. I expected she would be up. The hospital probably already called the house explaining my escape.

"Kourtney, you have to help me-"

"Are you hurt? Where are you-"

"Don't get mom and dad into this, okay? Go up to my room."

"Why shouldn't I? You're missing, Dan! Mom is worried sick!"

"And dad?" Silence on her end. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You're my sister, Kourtney. I need to disappear. Not forever, but for a little bit, okay? I'll be back before school starts, I promise. Just...please. I need you."

She sighed and said fine. I hated to make her worry. No, we don't usually get along. But as we're getting older I can tell we're growing closer and closer. I'm very grateful to have an ally.

"There is a wad of cash under my bed in a shoe box. I need that. I also need some clothes. Anything you can shove into my duffel bag quickly. Meet me at the middle school playground as soon as you can. Please don't tell mom."

 

She was there, and she was there alone. I could see her bright red hair even from here. She had my bag on her lap and she looked all kinds of suspicious. Phil walked over with me.

"Kourtney." She turned around, back in hand. She smiled when she saw me, and then she saw him. He came up and stood right next to me. I was one big flame.

"Dan, what's he-"

"He's apart of this. Don't worry, he's a...friend." She looked confused. She stared down at her hands like they suddenly fell off.

"My-my hands-"

"Side effect that I'm taking care of." I walked up to her. "Thank you so much. I'll see you in a few days, little sister." She was crying, and I don't think she understood why. She wrapped her arms around me tight.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

When I turned back around, there were cops looking at Phil's car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk idk idk idk idk idk


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

Dan squeezed the strap of his bag. I didn't remember him getting it out of the car, but I was beyond grateful he had it. It's all we had.

He seemed to already understand what I was thinking. The two men were about twenty feet away from us. It was hot, his pajama bottoms were practically dripping with sweat. His hair was curly and his t-shirt clung to his body. I wasn't doing much better.

He grabbed my hand. Sparks, it's annoying how many times I thought "sparks" or "lightning bolts."

"Go, I'll cover for you." Was all Kourtney said. She still looked at me with an insane amount of distrust, but she was letting us go.

I was running on borrowed energy, and holding Dan's hand was like my body have a small heart attack every second, but we ran. We looped around the school and ran, and we didn't stop. I couldn't see, my vision was clouding over, but Dan kept me safe. He seemed to know where we were going. We were running into the sunset together, getting our cheesy romance novel ending. Just with a lot more sadness.

 

* * *

* * *

We started slowing down, and my mind finally caught up with my body. I had no money, no food, no water, nowhere to go, and no car.

"Here." I looked at Dan, he seemed to absorb all of the confidence I had when I broke him out.

"You can't go home, so I can't either." The first rays of dawn were peaking over the hills. For a brief moment I missed home. Just for a moment.

Dan lifted a pot and held a spare key, which he used to open the garage. The door creaked and groaned as Dan opened it. He shushed it, but something without a brain had a hard time following Dan's orders.

He went into the garage, and quickly wheeled out two bikes, and what appeared to be a sleeping bag.

"We can't carry that! And where are we even going to go?"

Dan removed his backpack and pulled what appeared to be a bungee cord out of nowhere, and he went to work attaching the sleeping bag to his backpack.

"Up until I was about twelve, Dad made me go camping with him for a week every summer. I learned a few things. Like how to tie a sleeping bag to a backpack, and where to go. Here, Kourtney's bike." He motioned towards Kourtney's bike as he climbed his own, looking confident and determined.

"What are we even doing?" Dan sighed.

"We're solving the mystery, we're ending the mystery, we're running away together. Think of it any way you want, but we're finally doing _something."_ He sighed again.

"You can't go home, and it's my fault. And my parents aren't that happy with me, so we're doing this without their permission. Now, Lester, love, get on your fucking bike and follow me."

 

We made it two streets before we were stopped.

"Kourtney." Dan said, our of breath and bored.

"Is that my bike?" She asked, pointing to _my_ bike.

"We'll bring it back." She looked a little unhappy, but she didn't say anything.

"Why didn't you just take your car?" She sounded snotty, maybe I'm glad I don't have sisters.

"They'll be looking for a car, they're already looking for me, aren't they?"

"Mom more than dad." She mumbled, "Phil's car was reported stolen, that's what the cops told me when I asked. They thought I stole it. I had to make up some bullshit excuse as to why I was there that late, and I had to flirt with one of them," She shuddered, "You owe me."

"I owe you the world, little sister." Dan started peddling off, so I mouthed thank you and I followed him.

"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA TOWN BEFORE OFFICAL SUNRISE!" Dan yelled at me, he was peddling hard and fast. I could hardly keep up with him, not that I'd want to admit that.

"Ride next to me!"

"Nah, I like the view." I heard him giggle and he peddled faster.

* * *

The town was crawling with cops, it became a horrible chore to avoid them, but we managed to not get stopped.

Dan, never stopped, taking a break didn't seem to be his thing. I thought I was going to fall over and die right there. The electricity between us slowed to a dull buzz, which was nice of the stupid curse. I'm already exhausted thanks to all the heart attacks it caused.

After twenty minutes of riding out of town, I realized Dan was leading me to the one and only Canyon Valley. I guess it makes sense. Seeing as how that's where the most magic, or whatever the fuck it is, has gone down. A canyon bigger than the entire county that only we can see, that's some otherworldly shit.

Dan finally stopped at a gas station between the two towns and gave me some cash to go in and get water and peanuts. He wanted peanuts apparently, I realized I didn't know that much about him. We never got to properly know each other.

"Hurry, your parents aren't after you, but my dad will tear this planet apart to find his heir." The words stung a little, but I know he didn't mean them to. His parents still cared about him. Even if his dad did it for the wrong reasons, he still had his mother and his sister on his side. What do I have?

There was a tiny TV behind the cashier. The cashier, "Dayton" looked to be hardly eighteen. He had his feet up on the desk and he was watching the news.

I looked outside at Dan, he must have had a hoodie in his bag, because now he had a hood over his face and he was staring at the ground. I got the food quickly.

"Is this all?" Boring Dayton mumbled without looking at me.

"Yes."

"Five thirteen." I handed him six and he sighed. The story on the news about a barn fire switched to something else.

"Police are on the hunt today for sixteen-year-old Daniel Howell of Greens Corner. Daniel is said to have escaped from his hospital room and was seen running off with another young man." The news cut to a picture of Dan and I, running at full speed through the parking lot. That was soon replaced by a selfie of Dan that I would've deemed adorable had it not been for the circumstances.

"World's fucked up. Bet he's in a gang or something." Dayton the dumbass handed me my change and my shit in a bag, and I got fucking out of there.

"The other young man is thought to be sixteen-year-old Philip Lester, who escaped his hospital room the same night..." I stopped listening.

"Oh my god-" I slammed the door. Talk about timing.

"We have to go, quickly."

"What, what happened?" Dan asked frantically as I got on my bike.

"Our faces are plastered all over the news. Don't look up." I looked back to see Dayton with his face pressed against the glass and a phone at his ear. The morning sun was blinding as Dan and I took off once again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

I swear to god I was passed out those last thirty minutes of our trip. I might as well have been dead. But Phil was having a hard time, and I needed to stay strong. We couldn't afford a rest.

The day, like every other August day, grew hot very quickly. I thought of taking my stupid pajama pants off once or twice, but we really couldn't stop.

Five minutes to our destination, I started hallucinating. I took us off the road. Canyon Valley road. We passed the Canyon that greeted us in all its glory, but we didn't stop to say hello.

"Help us! Help us! She's killing us!" There was a girl on both sides of me, ghosts I presume. The same girls, its always the same girls. They were burning. Their skin was bubbling off and I couldn't help them. I kept my eyes trained forward.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up..." I mumbled. I didn't want Phil to hear me and ask whats wrong. I didn't have an answer. The truth is, everything is wrong about this situation. There isn't one thing that's gone right in our entire lives. We were born pawns in our parent's plot. Its our fault we're in this shit. We should've just played chess until we died.

Two years ago I was fucking around out here, and I found this old hunting cabin. There was never anyone there. I found four bottles of moonshine under the floorboards and the bones of what I assume was a dead dog. Long since abandoned.

I finally got off the goddamn bike.

"Bring it inside. I don't want any evidence of anyone being here." He followed me in like a zombie. I probably could've told him I was going to shoot him and he'd follow me. He's asleep on his feet.

I mean, I could shoot him. There an old gun rack that's dustier than my great grandma.

The couch had an old sheet over it and Phil wasted no time in ripping it off and laying down. I wanted to tell him there was a bed in the next room, but he was already passed out, so I took the bed for myself.

* * *

_"Annabelle?"_

_"Savannah? Don't cry."  The cell was cold and dark. There was the constant drip, drip, drip of a leak in the stone. Savannah's thick dress was almost soaked through. It was nearly spring, but it was still freezing. The girl's had suspected it was because of their broken hearts. They longed to see the color green one last time._

_Instead, they sat in complete darkness, almost freezing to death._

_"It's my fault, Annabelle. It's all my fault. If I had just married John we wouldn't be in this mess!"_

_"John is an abusive, controlling dumpster person who didn't deserve your beautiful sweet love, my rose."_

_Savannah cried harder and Annabelle pulled her to her shoulder and whispered some of the sweetness that resides within her._

_The girls were flowers, but they were wilting. Like everything else in Greens Landing._

_"I love you, and I'm going to get us out of this. Then, sweet, we're going to run away. Maybe we'll become pirates, like from one of your adventure novels. Would you like that? To live at sea with me, and be free?"_

_Savannah started calming down and she nodded at her love. Even in the darkness of the cell, Annabelle swore she could see her tear filled blue eyes. Her heart just kept on breaking._

_"This isn't the end for us, my love."_

_"I love you, Annie." Savannah hadn't called Annabelle "Annie" since they were kids, Annabelle's heart broke again. Savannah had already decided they weren't getting out of this. It wasn't all of Savannah's fault, it was all of Annabelle's. It was Annabelle's mother that locked them in here._

_"Would ya quit yer sniveling, ya abominations!" The guard keeper yelled at them, clearly drunk as he hit the cell next to them. Savannah was always the quiet, timid one. She didn't deserve to be here. But neither did Annabelle. Annabelle loved without remorse. She would never apologize for loving her best friend, even if she is a woman._

_"Time to go, Annabelle, Savannah." Annabelle's mother, Juliet Ruth Lester, stood in all her menacing glory with a candle and an indifferent look on her face. She was a strong woman, that's where Annabelle got her boldness._

_"Yes, Juliet." Annabelle mumbled, standing up and holding Savannah's limp hand. She saw her mother flinch, and she suddenly worried that that would be her last victory._

 

* * *

I shot up out of bed, sweaty and exhausted. I got nothing out of that sleep but a dream that was calm and sad. There was a giant mood hidden over the dream, or maybe it was more like a vision. It was all so sad. Sad is the only word that can be used to describe what the young girls are going through. I understood now why they were dead, unless they were just figments of my imagination.

Girls loving girls. It's a beautiful thing, but not in the past, it seems. But they said something else in that dream. Annabelle is a Lester. I tried to think back to any of my old visions, I wanted to know if this piece of information had already been shared with us. But my head was spinning and my vision was blurry, so I laid back down. Outside the sun was setting.

I was aware that Phil had moved in here and was sleeping next to me. The room was very hot, but I didn't want to leave. He was as comforting as he was painful. So I stayed laying there without touching him and thought about my deteriorating health.

* * *

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

So this is what crazy tasted like. We were still hiding, maybe from nothing. Dan was constantly shaking and crying and yelling and there was the ghost of a dead girl around every corner. We never got a break.

It was getting hotter and hotter. Yesterday, a boy with a dog ran past our house. He looked at it briefly like he wanted to explore it, but then someone called for him and he fled. Dan was having one of his episodes, I had to keep my hand over his mouth and hold him close to me. He bit my hand and cried and jerked around. I couldn't help him. I was going through the exact same thing, but it seemed like it was ten times worse for him.

"breathe, Dan, breathe."

"She's staring at us." Dan was glaring fearfully in the corner where the ghost of who I assume to be Savannah Howell stood. I knew they were really here, because Dan and I both saw them, and we both hurt because of it.

I was shaking. I tried so hard to be a rock for Dan, but I felt like I was dying.

"Leave us alone!" I shouted at her. She looked at me with so much pain on her face. She was related to Dan somehow, just like her girlfriend holds my name. They were together, a Howell and a Lester.

"I wasn't left alone." Her voice was deep. She looked strong, but cracked. I wanted to help her too, but I couldn't. Dan passed out in my arms, and I didn't let him go as I sobbed

* * *

You never imagine this is where your life would take you, nor would you think you would die at the hands of two ghosts.

We were out of food and water, so that night I left Dan in our bed and rode my bike into town. I hated leaving him. He is in such bad condition I fear every breath will be his last. I left him shaking, lying there. He claimed he was freezing cold, but even as night falls its over ninety degrees. I wonder if it's our fault it's so hot. We're ruining everything we touch.

I got some canned things and as much water as I thought I could carry on a bike. The store clerk was an old woman who I'm fairly certain could hardly see, so I wasn't all that worried about my identity.

There was a tv hanging on the wall behind me, talking about the record heat wave that's ripping through these parts. I silently apologized to the Earth.

"Have a good night, ma'am." The woman said, I smiled at her and exited.

"No, no please no!" Savannah Howell and Annabelle Lester were sitting in the middle of the parking lot, they were bound and sobbing, staring fearfully at a figure I could not see. I hated that I had suddenly grown use to this. It's horrific, but I felt like I had seen it all already.

"This is for all of us." The female voice said, and she began chanting. Suddenly, a torch fell onto the girls, and all I could here was screaming. The vision faded away, and I rode home with a blinding headache and a death wish.

* * *

We're dying, I'm almost sure of it. Dan is fading a lot quicker than I am. He will hardly eat, he's been violently vomiting up anything I give him. He won't let me take him to the hospital. Whenever he was acting himself, he would say the same thing.

"We're so close, Phil. We're so close. I'm fine, we can't give up!" He would hold my hand and look at me with his big brown eyes and I couldn't say no to him.

"Close to what?"

"Saving the world, of course." He would smile at me then, and my heart would melt. For a moment I could just pretend like we were stupid teenagers in love. But not long after that, Dan would go into a screaming fit of terror, and the harsh reality of our torment would rain down us yet again.

And just like every other time, I would hold him until he quieted down.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

Whenever I got the chance to reflect back on my life, I never was truly comfortable. Ever since I was a kid I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I always had night terrors, and school offered no relief. I was always wading through murky swamps full of alligators. 

The shaking didn't stop. Phil says I didn't even stop shaking when I was asleep. I couldn't hold anything anymore. Phil would bring the bottle of water up to my lips, and I would cough most of it up. Whatever managed to slip through was what was keeping me alive. 

Phil held me. For the tiniest moment ever, in the beginning of any cuddling session we had, I would feel at peace. And then Savannah and Annabelle jumped into my face and screamed, and then the walls of the cabin were on fire, and then Phil morphed into a demon and no amount of clawing could get him away from me. 

Then there's those moments of quiet. I have a few moments when I finally lose consciousness where I am free. It doesn't last long. Suddenly, Phil and I are tied together and our parents are pouring gasoline on us. 

The temperatures in the real world were rising steadily, I knew that. I also knew that Phil wasn't doing so hot either. I hated that I couldn't help him. I had become completely dependent on him. 

There were times when I thought about giving up, when I thought I would look into Phil's beautiful, safe eyes and I would tell him to call the police. But I knew damn well I would never see him again. And I would rather die than spend anymore of my life separated from him because of something neither of us did. 

And I knew we were close. Close to what, I wasn't totally certain, but close indeed. When Annabelle and Savannah weren't screaming for their lives, they were standing around looking desolate, asking to be saved in broken voices. 

"Dan, please, we can't keep this up. You're too sick." I didn't know what day it was, I didn't know what time or month it was. Living to me was sometimes quiet moments where Phil tried to make me drink water. 

"No, no, it's not as bad as it looks. We're close, okay? Hang in there."

It was as bad as it looked. Savannah was looking at me sadly as she stood in the doorway, she shook her head and disappeared, and along went with her any peace I had. 

The screaming continued. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, but we're almost done here, folks.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV

We needed more water. Dan was on his last legs. He couldn't even keep the tiniest of sips down. But I never gave up in trying to keep him hydrated. I stopped with the food after he begged me to. It's like nothing in his body was working properly. 

I left him on the couch. He quieted down for the most part. Five minutes ago he went into a terrible fit of terror and he clawed my arms up pretty bad. I couldn't be mad at him. The whole time Annabelle was standing there screaming. Nothing is quiet anymore. Nothing is peaceful. 

There was a cop at the store. He was stirring a coffee and looking at his phone. I went about my business quickly and quietly. 

"Hey! Eddie, they ever find those missing kids?" I paid the cashier and left without a word. 

Savannah followed me home. She floated in front of the bike as I rode back. She didn't say anything but she was crying. The ends of her dress were on fire, but she didn't seem all that bothered by it. 

"Go away."

"Don't hurt him." She replied. 

"Go AWAY!"

"Don't hurt him."

"GO AWAY!"

"DON'T HURT HIM!" She growled and ran into me, my tires skidded and suddenly I was flying off my bike. 

There was a deep sobbing coming from my left. Annabelle was sitting there, crying as she does.

"Don't hurt her." She whispered. I gathered the scattered bottled water and took off on foot, the bike was far too mangled to bring back. My wrist hurt terribly but I ignored it.

Suddenly, Savannah appeared in front of me.

"I was hurt."

"I know."

"He's going to get hurt." She said, everything she said was in monotone. I sprinted through the woods.

"He's going to get hurt!" Savannah and Annabelle were flying above my head screaming at me. I ditched the water and ran faster. They did something to him. They've hurt him. My Dan.

I threw open the door, and saw that Dan was sitting up on the couch facing away from me. His matted brown hair was all I could see, but he was alive. He was crying.

Unbearable heat was eating us alive. Annabelle and Savannah floated in front of Dan, but I was scared to go around the corner and see whatever they were seeing. They disappeared.

"Dan?" Suddenly Dan's sobbing was much more intense, and I saw the bottom of a rifle on the floor in front of him.

"Dan!" I ran in front of the couch, and sure enough, there he was. He had an old rifle in his mouth and tears on his face. He must have used the last of his strength to crawl to the gun rack.

"Phil."

"Dan, no, no Dan stop."

"Don't move." He talked awkwardly around the gun. I crouched down in front of him, resisting the urge to grab the gun. I would be too late if I tried. His somehow steady finger was on the trigger.

"Don't you dare, Dan Howell."

"I love you."

"No, no Dan stop. Okay? You can't do this you're not allowed."

"It's the best option. I can't go on like this. No matter where I go they'll be there. But you won't." I knew what he meant, and he was right. If we went back our parents would keep us apart, and we'd still be haunted by the fucking ghosts of family's past.

"We'll leave, we'll this damn country, we don't have to be apart, but please, Dan, this isn't supposed to end like this. We're not fucking Romeo and Juliet."

"I love you." 

Suddenly, there was a loud boom, my eyes were shut, Dan pulled the trigger.

I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to see that, I didn't want to know him as anything less than who he was.

"Philip Lester." It was one of the damned ghost girls. I didn't want to see them either.

I opened my eyes. I wasn't in the cabin anymore. Savannah and Annabelle were standing in front of me, and next to us was the famous flaky canyon. 

"Leave me alone, you-" The pointed behind me. 

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Phil."

No.

"Phil."

_No._

Daniel Howell was talking to me, I couldn't look at him. I was afraid that if I turned around I would see a ghost of a boy I love with a hole in his head.

I turned around. 

"Phil." He smiled at me. It was him, just Dan. Just Dan Howell. Just Dan fucking Howell. I thought back to all the stupid thoughts I ever had about him, and I scooped him up in my arms. He smelled awful, I'm sure we both did. But there was something else, he smelled like gun powder. 

"We got him out of there right in the nick of time." The girls smiled calmly and held hands. They looked like regular girls, well besides the Victorian clothing. They saved him. The evil ghosts that haunted us for weeks saved Dan's life. 

"You have burned too many times, boys." Savannah said, the girls held hands and jumped into the canyon. I didn't feel like deducing that statement. 

I kissed him, I kissed Dan Howell with all the energy I had left, I kissed the boy I love freely and without pain. I would never let him go now. Never. Nobody could keep me from him.

"I love you, I love you..." I kept saying it in between kisses and Dan didn't seem to mind. 

"Phil, it isn't over. We have to finish it." I frowned at him. Even after everything we had been through there was still some faint discomfort whenever I touched him. But it was not worth him suffering to the point of dying for. 

"Dan-"

"Don't worry, I know how." And then he took my hand and he led me to the canyon. 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's POV

I don't remember jumping over the edge of the canyon, but I also don't remember climbing down. But suddenly, Phil Lester and I were standing at the bottom of the mysterious canyon. 

I had this overwhelming sense of clarity. Like my opponents cards were shown to me as we played the game. 

During all the mayhem I was always jumbled and then I was asleep. I was attacked with vision after vision. Sometimes Phil was there, trying to quiet me down, trying to keep me alive. And sometimes a demon stood over me and scratched the side of my face while some woman cackled. 

And then I remembered the gun rack, and then I remembered Phil, and then two women who were on fire stood on either side of me and screamed into my ears. I watched them burn time and time again. 

I knew Phil was going through it too, he was always yelling at them. So much yelling, so much fucking yelling. I just wanted some quiet.

And I pulled the trigger. 

My first thought was "Is this the afterlife?" 

But it couldn't have been, because Phil was here and  _they_ were there. And for the first time in all my days since I met Phil, I felt absolute peace. Everything was okay. The burning stopped, the screaming stopped. I felt back in my body. And I understood everything. 

I had to endure the pain, I had to. I had to understand. They made me understand. 

"Don't worry, I know how." I smiled at him, my voice was so trouble-free. It sounded like I never had a care in the world. 

I did know how, in another life I probably knew how and that's what drew me to the edge. To the mysterious canyon that only we could see.

We were at the very bottom. There was dried up river bed, probably because it never rains in purgatory, which is where I'm assuming the canyon resides. 

The girls held hands and smiled as they stood across from us. They were fine, normal girls. The ends of their dresses weren't even on fire.

"We burned for our crimes, but you're going to put us to rest. Put it all to rest." Savannah said, grinning from ear to ear. I wonder if she meant the curse, I wonder if they were aware of the curse. My heart hurt for them, they never got to experience love in its fullest state. Their lives were ripped from them to young.

"Dan, Dan, holy shit."

The girls were next to us now, standing over bones. Human bones. The skeletons of two bodies were wrapped against each other, as if in their last moments all they could do was hold on. 

"It's time for you two to rest. It's time for us all to rest." I thought about how close I was to being a pile of bones, and how good I thought it would feel. But then I looked at Annabelle and Savannah and thought that even if their death was horrible, they got to go together. And I didn't want to go without Phil. 

He held my hand, the girls looked at each other, and they kissed long and slow. And then they were gone. 

* * *

 

The next few hours were a blur. There wasn't a lot of discussion between Phil and I. We were scared if we called the cops they wouldn't be able to find the canyon, but they found it just fine.

And then our parents found it. My parents and my sister, and his very pregnant mother stood next to each other at the top of the canyon as the men hauled the bones away.

"And you too have been doing..." The tall cop trailed off, expecting us to finish. Phil wasn't acting like himself, I think what we put our bodies through these last few weeks are going to have lasing problems on us. I held his hand and looked at my dad.

"We've been hiding out in an old cabin in the woods that way." I pointed the cop, who was somehow taller than me and Phil followed my finger.

"And you're the runaways?" He sounded fascinated, like he couldn't get enough. I felt like I was about to be swallowed whole.

"Yes." Phil didn't say anything he just stood there. After an ambulance checked us out they gave us blankets to wrap around ourselves despite it being August. The temperature had gone down quite a bit. 

The cop apparently had no further questions. All of the cops and paramedics that arrived were awestruck at the sight of the canyon that is right next to a main road. I wondered if this canyon would be a permanent feature to this town now.  _The mystery is over! You can all go home._

_No, it wasn't aliens. It was two girls in love._

Phil and I awkwardly made our way over to our families. They hugged me.

"We gotta take you to the hospital, you're so skinny!" I realized how little I'd eaten in the past few weeks. I didn't argue with her. I was feeling a little wobbly on my feet after all that.

I was surprised to see that my dad was talking to Mrs. Lester like they were old friends.

"-Well I actually found out yesterday, I'm having twins. Two girls!" She didn't sound angry at all at that development, Phil and I stood there in shock. He held my hand, maybe to see what affect it would have on our families. They didn't seem to mind. They. Didn't. Seem. To. MIND. 

Nobody seemed to mind. Nobody was scratching their limbs or throwing rocks at each other. Everyone was just standing around.

"I gotta take Dan to the hospital." Mom said to Mrs. Lester almost sadly, like she wanted to continue their small talk instead of helping her son. 

"I should take Phil too," His mom said, rubbing his dirty hair. I was aware that we were both extremely dirty. No one pointed it out.

"No mom, I'm fine, that's why the ambulance left. Because I'm fine. Well, he's not fine, but I couldn't get him in the ambulance." Phil nodded weakly at me. I think right now what everyone needed was some sleep and a bath. 

"I'm okay enough that I don't need an ambulance." My voice was raspy and almost gone completely. Not convincing at all.

"lets go." Mom steered me away from Phil, and I held his hand until our arms stretched too far and I couldn't reach him anymore. Mom smiled and waved at Mrs. Lester.

"You and Phil are..." Nobody could finish sentences anymore. 

"Yes, dad." I answered as mom drove off, I watched Phil hobble to his mom's car. Kourtney was crying and hugging me in the backseat. 

"I'm so glad you're alive. I thought you were gone.  I'm so, so sorry."

"Phil wrecked your bike." I whispered. She got off me. I almost laughed, it's nice, the normal behavior. Maybe things will be okay.

"Well, at least you're alive." She said bluntly and stared out the window. Some things never change. 

" _I'm so glad you're alive."_

I sat there and watched Canyon Valley pass me by, and I thought about how close I'd come to changing that statement. I breathed in and out, because I still could, and I enjoyed the feeling. And I thought of Savannah and Annabelle, and how they will never have the luxury. 

And as we drove into Greens Corner, the desert-like ecosystem sprouted grass in my welcoming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be an epilogue.


	27. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil's POV  
> Sorry if this is confusing. I just wanted to do like a quick look through their life.

-2081-

My ugly old lovely husband smiled wickedly at the kids as he finished his story right there. He always was the king of cliffhangers. At least that's what the movie reviewers always said. Summer had rolled around again and our small lake house, hundreds of miles from where the story takes place, is filled with a peaceful golden light.

Our kids don't like us scaring the grandchildren (and one great grandson) this way. We do anyway. After all this time they have stopped trying to stop us.

"Wait, that can't be the end of the story!" My little sisters were here too, they visited way too often. Its wonderful.

Alex and Belle sighed in unison, "It isn't kids. Dan is just a drama queen." Dan laughed and then coughed. These days I see his health failing, but then I look in the mirror and I see it in myself too. I see the look on Alex's face, and I knew what she was thinking.

Dan held my hand, he never stopped holding my hand. It acting like it was religion. Our wrinkly old man hands. God, we were just babies back then.

"Well, my sister Kourtney, some of you knew Kourtney, never forgave Phil for wrecking her bike." He always looked so sad whenever he spoke of her, but then again, that's a story that doesn't have a happy ending.

The children giggled, too innocent to see and fully understand their grandfather's pain.

"So magic is real!" Melody, our youngest daughter's daughter. She's not even five yet.

"Magic is very real, Melody. It's in the eyes of a loved one, in the trees when the wind blows, in the books when you finally finish reading for the first time. Magic is everywhere, kids." The kids broke apart and went outside to play, and our children gathered around us.

Skye, Damon, Lucas, Wanda, Shaun, and August.

"Dad, do you want to lay down?" Lucas asked, his husband was somewhere, probably out playing with their kids, in search of magic. A few of the other spouses were scattered about. Except Wanda's husband, who never liked the stories we tell the children.

"No, no, stop your fussing. I'm fine." Lucas looked pained but didn't say anything. Dan held my hand tighter, but it wasn't the grip he used to have. I flashed back to that day, the final day in the cabin in the woods. The day I saw the end of the rifle on the floor.

The children never really believed our story, but it happened. Its the reason all of this happened. Its the reason we get to live free. Its the reason the kids got to have the last name Howell-Lester.

I saw Dan counting his breaths. Something he's been doing since the canyon. When we were twenty I finally asked him why he did that.

"For Savannah, and for Annabelle." I never asked again.

Savannah and Annabelle have been significant in our entire lives. At our wedding, we left two chairs open. For Savannah and Annabelle. And I swear to god they were sitting in them.

They were there when our first daughter, Skye, was born. Skye's birth mother was screaming, saying she saw a ghost in the doorway. It was just Savannah, trying to get a glimpse of our daughter.

* * *

-2026-

"HOLY SHIT, FUCK. GABE! FUCK! I HATE YOU, YOU BASTARD, WHY COULDNT YOU LEARN HOW TO-FUCKING-AH-USE A CONDOM! FUCK! GET OUT! YOU DICK!" Gabe, Skye's biological father scuttled out of the room as fast as he could.

"You want this baby so bad? Bitch is gonna kill me! GET OUT!"

It was a long and painful birth, and Skye came out screaming at the top of her lungs, like her mother. It was Christmas Eve. Our mothers were there, Kourtney, Alex, and Belle were there. Kourtney's own daughter who was a mere two months old cried in her arms.

"I'm a grandma!" Mrs. Lester, exclaimed throwing her hands up in the air. Skye's mother was quick to hand her over to us, exhausted and resentful. 

"I am NEVER, doing that again!" 

Skye stopped crying as I held her, she laid in my arms peacefully, our daughter. 

 

* * *

The day we finalized the adoption papers of our third child, Lucas, and brought him home, was also the same day Skye learned how to ride a bike, and also the same day Damon learned how to wreck Skye on said bike.

Lucas was strapped in his baby seat in the back of the car when we got the call. Kourtney had been babysitting for us but it seemed she didn't pay close enough attention, and Skye broke her arm.

"It was an accident!" Damon cried as he held Skye's hand. They were always close, Skye was obviously not mad at Damon for the incident, just hurt he would try.

"Why, Damon?" My seven-year-old, the most dramatic child I knew asked him. 

"Because, because, um..." Damon had forgotten why he throw a stick through the wheels on her bike, but the damage was already done.

"Well, Skye, um, here's your little brother!" Lucas was giggling, and it brought a smile to my daughter's sad face.

* * *

 

 

"Fuck it!" I heard from the upstairs bathroom. August was sitting in her baby jumper thing having the time of her life as Dan stormed downstairs.

"I'm done, I'm fucking done!"

"What's wrong?" I asked, amused at his anger. He was pacing up and down, his tie was loose and he was practically completely red in the face. Shaun laughed at him.

"Fucking, Wanda she took my hair die and now our blonde son Lucas has terribly done dark brown hair." Lucas ran downstairs then, brown hair dye all down his neck. He had a towel tied around his neck that caught some of the dye but not enough. 

"Oh lord, Wanda!" I yelled for or young, devious daughter. She ran downstairs, a giant smirk on her young face.

"It's an improvement!" Our daughter, the lawyer.

"Time out, Wanda, I'll talk to you in a minute."

"I'm done, I'm done." He kept saying. 

"No one ever said parenting was easy, Daniel."

"No, I mean I'm done dyeing my hair. I'm going full gray. Fucking watch me. I have to get to set. Love you." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and ran out the door. Just me and six kids.

* * *

"My baby, holy shit I said I wouldn't cry." 

Skye was up there in her cap in gown. The bright red stood out beautifully against her dark skin. We sat there, five kids in tow. Damon started to cry too. This meant she was leaving. She got into college and she would be gone in the fall. 

"Skye Howell-Lester." The principal said smiling her fake smile. We all screamed, practically everyone was here. Kourtney, Alex, Belle. Even mom, who said no matter how old she got she would see all her kids succeed. 

* * *

Wanda was fifteen when she knocked on our bedroom door. The house was quieter with Skye and Damon off to college, but August saw to it that some noise still rang through the household. Luckily we're used to chaos. 

"Guys, I have to tell you something."

It was a teary-eyed conversation that resulted in us all sobbing. But not out of sadness, not exactly. 

"I haven't gone to the doctor yet, but I took two tests and they were both positive." Dan got up and made an appointment for the next day, and it was true, she was pregnant. 

"I want to give the baby up for adoption." She said finally several months later. There was a nice family lined up to adopt our grandson, and we said we would do whatever Wanda thought best. We saw him for a day, and we weren't grandparents anymore. 

Wanda took the loss hard. I think she understood it was what was best. I'm not sure Dan understood it though, nor am I sure I did.

* * *

It was Wanda's first year of college when we got the call.

August was a teenager now, our last child and she was growing up with the rest of them.

_"Hey, It's Addison, Kourtney was in an accident."_

Addison, Kourtney's wife. They still lived in Greens Corner in our old house with their own kids. When she called Dan sobbing I knew what had happened. 

"It was a drunk driver." Was all Dan said before he broke down. His little sister, taken from him and her family too young. We woke up the kids, the only two left, and went to the hospital. August cried and held onto Lucas, and Lucas let her. 

I ran my hand through Dan's silver hair trying to calm him down, but nothing worked. Addison was standing with her own two kids. The oldest child wasn't here. Adam, the oldest son didn't cry, but the other boy did. He cried and cried and cried and it didn't stop. It didn't stop once. I bet that crying was still ringing in that hospital until Kourtney's body was put in the ground. 

* * *

At Lucas's wedding my hair was white too. I finally decided I was sick of dyeing it. Dan said he liked it better.

August was 18, she would be going to college in the fall. He had a spring wedding with lots of flowers. His husband, a man Dan and I always thought was "okay" wore a flower in his hair. Skye was here with her girlfriend, and Damon was dateless, as his divorce had gone through a few months before.

His daughter was there though, sitting on his lap and staring at the birds. 

Damon got intensely drunk at the reception and Skye and her girlfriend at the time carried him off, his daughter on Skye's shoulders. 

It hurt to see your child so sad, so broken. Nevertheless, we hugged Lucas and his husband, Matt, and went our separate ways. 

* * *

When our last baby graduated Dan was sick in bed. He was so sick he couldn't get up, so I had to bring an ipad and video chat him as it happened. All our kids were here, even Damon, who was drinking from a flask. We all screamed anyway, Dan screamed as loud as he could through his illness and over the ipad. I forgot how old we were getting.

* * *

-2082-

My life had caught up with me, I could tell. Dan could tell too. Wanda was over almost every day helping. And so was August's oldest son, Jacob, who was fourteen. 

"I didn't want this, I didn't want to be helpless, Dan, you know that right?" I had sent everyone out of the room and I clutched my beautiful husband's hand. 

"I know, you're not. You're not."

"I love you so much. I can't bear all the pain I caused you."

"Pain? Phil? Husband? Light of my life? No, there is no pain. You and me, that's the reason all of this happened. We have the most wonderful lives. We have overcome so much. Together."

"Together." I smiled at him. 

"They're here." I mumbled as Savannah and Annabelle stood by the side of the bed. I felt lighter, happier. 

"No, Phil, please, I love you so much. I can't bear life without you."

"I love you, you're my everything." I replied, something I hadn't said in far too long. I felt myself slipping, I was so tired.

"I love you, don't, don't-"

"I just need to catch some shut eye, babe, I'll see you in the morning."

My eyes slipped shut and the mid-afternoon sun was tuned out as I exited my body, and stood with Savannah and Annabelle. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's confusing. I don't know how to write. Thank you for reading. Much love!


End file.
